My Goals - The "Bucket List"

As I was re-reading my older blogs, I rediscovered my Life Goals which I jotted down in my journal back when I graduated high school in 2001.  It was fun to see myself and my dreams for life back then, even more so... it has been amazing to see just how many I have already fulfilled without even planing!  Now that is an accomplishment, when one forgets what their own goals were, and yet still lives them out with out even trying...  ~_^

Goals for Morria's Life

New (as of 2014):

• Never stop growing closer to God.
• Live a more natural, sustainable, eco-friendly lifestyle.
• Uncluttered, dehoard, and empty baggage from home, life, and soul!
• Rediscover biking, and go on bicycling trips!
• Explore Thailand and/or India...
• Settle down in New Mexico or Arizona!

Old (from 2001):

• Find my journey-task or journey-tasks. (different ones for different phases of life)
• Have and keep 5 close friends. (Working on this one... have 2 -3 long distance ones?)
• Swim in the Ocean, if possible all 7 Seas...
• Explore New Orleans more than once!
• Explore Phoenix. (Currently living there!)
• Explore Seattle, Portland, and Coos Bay!
• Travel to ALL 50 states! (Alaska, Hawaii, Washington, Oregon, Idaho, Georgia, South Carolina, and Florida left!)
• See as much of the World outside the USA as possible. (Been to Canada and Mexico.)
• Explore Ireland.  
• Live a life of Love, Faith, and Kindness...
• Live in such a way, that when I pass... many lives will have been forever change... even if I never know how I touched their hearts...

Accomplished (Unplanned and still got done!):

• Graduate College somewhere. (Stratford - 2003, ISoM - 2007, Stratford - 2015?)
• Be someones gypsy gal... maybe even their gypsy queen! (I am Robby's Gypsy Queen!)
• Get Married. (To Robby, December 15, 2007!)
• Journey Back to Dine Bikeyah (7 times, thus far!)
• Swim acrossed a lake. (Lake Wildwood, Cornerstone Grounds 2008)
• Explore Chicago. (Lived there 14 months, 2008/2009)
• Learn to Drive a Car. (September 2009, Licensed!)
• Go to Estes Park, CO. (2012)
• Be a missionary some where for longer than two months? (Dine Bikeyah, 3 years)

~ Morria

Reflection... 2014

What a year it has been!  Moved from Kentucky to New Mexico, jobs dried up for us, my mother died.  We began to examine the future: I started Natural Health studies, Robby got in to Le Cordon Bleu... thusly we moved to Scottsdale, AZ.  What a whirl wind it has been... and somewhere along the path... I lost my focus on my dreams and goals.   For these last two months... since we started the move...my natural health studies sat idle.

Natural Health to me is so much more than just a hobby, it has been a passion (especially the Herbal side) since I was 13.  Even more I have immersed myself in it after major health issues between my 16-18th years.  As dear Navajo elder put it, "God blessed us with natural cures, they must not be forgotten."  As I rediscover my path, I am seeing more and more just how this gifting and passion may play in... Rob is pursuing his passion via education.  Now I will mine, first by finishing my course, the from there we shall see.

Sometimes we lose sight of the path, not because of fog, or trials, just busyness.  Sometimes fog does roll in and we feel as if we have lost our way.  In times like those, just a day at a time, stepping no farther than we can see His light, we somehow end up discovering as much or more about ourselves than when the path is bright, and the way... but we must never stop looking for His light...  Even when it is very dark, it will still be there, we just have to have our eyes open for it.  Take heart and journey onward!


~ Morria

The Dream...

The following is a reoccuring dream I have had since I was about 16, with details adding on as I have gotten older.  Up until about 2 years ago, it stopped with me jumping off the cliff.   

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 As I close my eyes, I see the trail behind me and the trail before me.  I see parts of both covered in deep misty fog.  Mesas, towering red and mighty, stunning forests, lush and green, and snow covered hills, sparkly and pure, peak out from the fog on the trail behind me.  In the clearing before me, the path comes to the edge of a cliff.  I can either sit on a bench by the edge, or take a leap of faith and walk off the edge.  I sit for a few moments working up courage to peak over the edge.  The deep grey and warm brown cliff gives way far below to the deep blue and foamy white ocean.  Quickly, I step off, "Now or Never", taking no though for my clothing, heave and dark, worn and tattered.

As I float downward, my dark heavy clothing falls of piece by piece, till all that is left is a thin, soft blue, sparkly sundress.  Gracefully I slip into the water and begin swimming as the water calms.  Playing behind me in the water are dolphins.  I swim up to a beach and walk out.  A fire is built on the beach and palm trees are swaying.  Robby is cooking fish he has caught.  I lay down at peace on the beach beside him and the fire, and close my eyes.  (END)

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thoughts anyone?

~ Morria

New Traditions: Christmastide!

As this is the first year without my mother, and with Rob and I getting farther and farther away from kin due to our journeys, we decided it was time to start making new traditions for the holidays.  The First:  We bought a Tropical Themed Nutcracker for our table.  He adds some style and will remain decor all year.   The Second: As we dont have a fireplace, nor need alot of heat just a little, we bought a faux fireplace (mini) with the option to have heat or just flames.  Along the same wall we have hung brand new stockings: Holiday sweater for Rob; cute Christmas owl for me.  The Third:  As to Christmas Dinner, right now we are torn between Christmas Fajitas and Hawaiian Ham...  Christmas Eve we will have Tortilla Soup as has been our tradition since Chicago.  Also we will have homemade cookies, gingerbread (KY mountain style), and egg nog.

For those who are struggling with the lose of a loved one, be it this year or many years ago, let me offer some things that have helped me in hopes they might you as well.  First of all, make sure you keep doing stuff with and around other people, isolation make the sorrow worse.  Secondly, find some things that make you happy, be they going to a movie, throwing a holiday party, or creating new traditions... or maybe a mix of all of them.  Take time to honor the memory of the loved one, be it placing a picture of them in a special spot, or hanging a memory ornament on the tree in their honor, give the lost loved one a new place in the holiday tradition can really help with the transition.  Most of all, remember you're not the only one struggling with loss this year, and if you need to there are others to reach out to.

~ Morria

Who is Morria?

Who is Morria?  That is a question I find myself asking more and more.  As a child I had an ideas of who she would be grown up: strong, brave, a singer, a writer, a well traveled woman.  As a teen, I started carving a path: a dash of goth, a bit of gypsy, an herbalist, a wanderer, a warrior woman, a poet.  As a twenty something, I got lost in a fog: death, sorrow, betrayal, broken heart, shattered dreams, new dreams, and true love.  And now as a thirty something, I am trying to find out just who she is.  But the piece are not so easy to figure out.  Am I just the woman I am day to day?  The woman who works a 10-7 (nightshift), comes home, sleeps, drives her husband to college, and longs for more?  Or am I that herbalist, gypsy goth, writer, that I still envision myself as?  I am not sure, but I sure am going to find out...

~ Morria

Greenhouse!

It came today! All 5 foot 3 inches, by 2 ft, by 1 ft of growing wonder!  My very own apartment sized greenhouse, which I bought for all of  $31.48  from Amazon.Com.  It paired with my sunny picture window and a plant light, and we should be growing food in no time.  Now I must be about gathering pots, seeds, and get to planning on what we will be growing.

The first greenhouses built in Roman times, were very similar to cold frames today.  It was simply a frame covered with the oiled cloth known as specularia or sheets of selenite. Cucumbers, the main food grown this way, were wheeled into the sun by day, and under the covers by night.  Technology continued to change and grow until the 1500's when a Dutchman invented the first practical greenhouse, which continues to advance change to this day!  Who knows what will come next?

Greenhouses are such a blessing, especially being an apartment dweller.  And believe it or not, greenhouses, or "conservatories" have long been apart of homesteading.  Remember Morticia Addams beautiful conservatory with all her meat eating and deadly plants?   In house greenhouses are not a new thing (especially in Victorian Gothic homes in the 1800s), I just have to get creative to make this work in an apartment!  ^_^

~ Morria

Seeds!

I found seeds!  Walked into Whole Foods  in Tempe, AZ, and what stands before me in the seed section but a display by but a display by Native Seed/Search!  At last I live where my favorite seed company actually sells in store.  Now mind you certain plants I am looking for they don't have, and certain seeds from Native Seed/Search I will have to order as not sold in store.  But a lot I can get right near by.  So happy!



Why am I so big on Native Seed/Search?  For many reasons, among them the fact that they are gathering and protecting Heritage Seeds, Native to the Southwest (and some other Native Tribes).  These seeds are drought hardy, and very hard to kill off.    Another reason is as they say @ NativeSeeds.Org, "We are a nonprofit organization working to strengthen food security in the Greater Southwest by conserving our region's unique crop diversity and teaching others to do the same."  This is something I can get behind.

~ Morria


* Logo belongs to Native Seed Search and is being used only to aid others in finding this great resource!

Water...

Water... tis like a second home to me.  Be it a lake, a pond, an ocean, or a simple swimming pool, it awakens my soul.   I was reminded of this again today, as I was able to go swimming at one of 3 pools nigh our apartment.  Twas so refreshing... may haps we need to think of dwelling near water after this leg of the journey is over.

~ Morria

The Journey Begins...

So I find myself on the road again... Life has away of changing when we least expect it.  Life among the Navajo was awesome and I will never forget it.  But it appears that door is closing most likely for good for Robby and me.  No this is not the end of our travels and adventures.  Rather a new door is opening that we were not excepting... where and when it will be, we know not, but we trust Him to show us the path that is set out for us on this new journey-task.

~ Morria

New Beginnings...

So I am beginning to homestead in earnest, in part to go along with my natural health course I am doing, and in part to start putting down roots, so to speak, in my area of future work... Problem?  I live in a second story apartment with a small open balcony that is also the walkway to stairs for my 3 neighboring apartments.  I do have a really good picture window in the bedroom, that gets afternoon sun.  My other challenge?  I live in Scottsdale AZ currently...

So, this "Gypsy Gal" is turning over a new leaf, literally.  We were able to make it from Farmington, NM with 3 plants: my husbands catus, my clover, and our mexican heather plants.  I have scouted out a metal shelving system at walmart that should go well in our bedroom where the plants can get sunlight, and I am also hunting for an additional plant light.  I found some awesome AZ made recycled wine bottle planters (refreshglass.com) which also fits in both the bedroom and living room windows, just perfect for herbs. Now the hard part, what to GROW?

~ Morria 

Moving..

Stressed,
Nervous,
Excited.

That is how I am feeling right now.  Normal I guess the night before the first part of a big move.  We have a total of 4 trips to make (3 with Midnight the Car, 1 with U-Haul Van).  Why is it always like this?  Of course it never helps that my husband packs his stuff the night before.  I just trust this all gets done quickly, and I can return to normal blogs!  LOL.

~ Morria

Companions missing...

Some thing is missing on the journey, some of those who have journeyed beside...  Not that all of them have passed, but some's journeys have taken out of each others lives.  Bev and I speak not as much.  Deirdrea and I e-mail.  Lynn and I have not spoken in nearly  15 years.  Matt has vanished.  Rayne and I message now and again.  Rebv and I text and talk now and then...  What has happened to the friends of old?  True, I have my beloved, Robby.  But my heart longs for more friends...

 

 Now as we begin  again in this new place... I wonder, shall I be able to connect with anyone?  Friendships do not come by me easy... and I do try...  "Lord, help me find so true friends for this leg of the journey..."

~ Morria

68, she never saw...

Merami would have turned 68 years old today...
But she lost the battle to cancer back in March...
She didnt make it to 68... let alone 70....
I thought Merami and I were not that close... I thought her passing would not leave this kinda void. After all, she and I never saw eye to eye on most things...

I use to call her into account on her hoarding all the time... she would just blame me for making the mess.  When I lived in the house, I fell for it.  Once I had moved out,I realized, I wasn't the one who made the mess, she just used me as her scapegoat, so she didn't have to face that she had become what she despised the worst... A hoarder. I really started to feel sorry for her... she really believed it was Dad and my fault for not helping her with the mess...and us for making it.  She has been gone less than a year, and Dad has the house nearly back to how I remember it when I was young.

Still, she was a giving soul, with a heart of deep love for others.  She always was talking about missions, children, and was someone I could talk to about both... plus my own struggles of not having a child yet... after all... she was 36 when she adopted me!  I miss the "care packages", even if I threw half of the "bargains" away because they were so cheep they didnt work... still, she was thinking of me...and the specialty Coffees, Natural Candies, Trail Mixes,  and such, always made the box worth getting.  That and she always sent underwear.... Why I had to always buy my own when I lived at home, and the minute I left home she started sending me new clean underwear, is beyond me... but she did, and it was always a blessing.  LOL!  That's a mom for you.

So, in conclusion, Happy 68th Birthday, Merami!  I trust your first one in Heaven rocked!

~ Morria

Reawakening...

There is so much about my self that I had forgotten, that I had locked away to never be seen again.  Or so I thought.  When I walked away from the subcultures, I locked away my art, my poetry, my uniqueness for the sake of peace, for the sake of fitting in.  And I was miserable in so doing. Why does one try to fit in to a mold, a box, a cookie cutter that they were not made for? When I have stepped out of that mold, and began to re-embrace the me I discovered nearly 13 years ago, I felt more peace than I have in years.  It was like a door swung open, not only for me, but also for my husband as well.  It is not as though this will be an easy path.  There will be some bumps in the road along the way, especially as we figure out our ministry paths, but at last I will be free to be the woman God made me to be!

~ Morria

Revelations...

Sometimes in life we think we know and understand what is going on around us.We think we know what the one we love is saying, what they mean, and how life is meant to be.   Then we go about our lives together based on those understandings, meanings, and purpose... we scarfice things for the other.  We base our goals on the other and vise versa.  But what if one day you woke up to find out you had misunderstood each other for years?  That you had misunderstood each other? That you had changed things based on those misunderstandings?  Would it be like a light coming on in the darkness for you?  Would relief flood your streets?  Would joy overtake you?

 For me the storm rolled in this past week.  7 years of misunderstandings, miscommunications, rough pasts, and giving things up thinking that is what had to be done... exploded messily.  But once the explosion was done and everything was out in the open, it was as though the light had been turned on in a dark cave, and all at once we could see beautiful art on the walls.  We saw each other in new lights, dreams long thought needed to abandon are picked back up, and we are so much more at peace together.

To Robby:

My love, my joy, what a blessing you are!
A companion to walk beside me,
A friend to share my joys and sorrows,
A soul mate to know my heart,
A warrior to fight for me in times of danger,
A gentleman to shower me with love.
A servant of God to serve along side,
This is the man who I love!
(MMN - 2014)

~ Morria

Lonely Road

It is not easy walking this road.  In fact, it can be very lonely.  Even when you have a good, loving family, if the dont walk this road in the shadowlands, then there is little comfort there.  The strong arms of the Lord are such a comfort, but it is a blessing when friends, brothers and sisters in Christ come and walk along with you. Those friends can be the light God sends to easy the journey.  A brightness in ones day, and ones life.  Not all friends are light bringers, some so called friends are light dimmers.  Those are the ones, which are likely to betray you, stab you in the back, and leave you worse than when you started... yet in good times run to you.   If it seems to good to be true, more than likely it is.  Yet those who come and help when you are down, bind your wounds, and leave you healing, those are those to keep close.  

Thank God for true friends for they make the lonely road bearable!

~ Morria

In the Shadowlands...

Ministering to the hurting, outcast, misfits, and subcultures, often is a lonely thankless ministry.  Even more so if you are in an area where the views are still stuck back 30 to 50 years in the past, where misunderstandings, miscommunications, and misidentification are common place. It is often tempting to lay aside the calling God has placed on your life, and just try to blend in.  To walk away and try to fit into the mainstream, but that is like walking into a deep foggy forest without a compass...

It takes courage to come back out of that forest, pick up the compass and the Light for your path, and do what is asked of you.  Even if some close to you don't understand why you still walk in the shadowlands, you have to keep going.  It will be like a fire in the bones if you dont.  When one is not on the right path, everything is wrong, and you are miserable.  But when you find that path again, and take up your journey-task with courage, joy creeps back...

So, having learned that the hard way, as I must so many things in life.  My cut up and bruised bare feet, are back on the narrow pathway of my calling.   Am I meant to serve the outcast, broken, and wounded?  Yes!  Am I meant to minister subcultures?  Yes! Am I meant to serve in Dine Bikeyah and the Native Southwest?  Yes! Took me forever to learn that and to learn what that might even look like... Each path is diffrent, and everyones hardship diffrent.  Take heart to walk the path and do the journey take He has set before each of us.  His ways are good, even if they always remain hard.  His comfort sustains, even if enough to just make it one more day, one more step... His light is just enough.

~ Morria

One Day at A Time...

Life, especially of late seems not to come easy for me.  The ground is always full of boulders, thorns, and goat heads.  The path is normally flooded, or covered by fog, or pilled with snow.  Yet each day comes new... whether I bid it come or not.  So I have learned, take each day as it come.   Not that each day will make the journey easier, but at least it is less overwhelming.    So I live, and do what I can that needs to be done, trying to remember everything... and take each small step forward.   Before to long, I am looking back and saying, "Wow, there was a path through there, I just couldn't see it before."  Having done that many, many times, each day I am learning to take in stride, and just keep going.

~ Morria

Finding the Path

It has been a hard year.   Moved back to Dine Bikeyah only to have my heart ripped out and trampled on by those who asked us out here.  Just after that, my Merami (mother) passed away suddenly.   After the memorial, I basically shut down for 2-3 months.  Darkness over took me.  I was lost.  I did not know what path to be on anymore.  Kept going through the motions, knowing that if I kept going forward, I would in time see the light beyond the deep heavy fog that I was in.

Then this month, the light has begun the peak through a bit.  My husband, Robby, and I decided to sit down and watch a TV show he had discovered called "Grimm".  To my surprise, I loved it.   Even more surprising, it awoke in me realization I could turn my passion into a living.  So now I am studying to become a Natural Health Consultant, phase 1 of my 4 part plan: Phase 1: Natural Health Consultant Training; Phase 2: Master Herbalist Training; Phase 3: Doula or Midwife Training; Phase 4: Open Herb, Tea, Spice Shop and Natural Health Consultant Office.   Now my passion for herbs and natural health wont be wasted...

So I must say, while the pathway is still as dark as ever, now a path way is lit before me.  The way is clearer, and my hope stronger.  My faith will carry me on, even if I dont understand why I am going through these things.  So I say again, "To you my Lord, will I cling.  Christ before me, Christ behind me, Christ to my right, and Christ to my left."

~  Morria

Masks

 Masks, so many of us wear them, feel forced to wear them, or are required to wear them to keep jobs, be at a church, work in a mission.  Yet, kids and teens so many times see right through them, whether we want them to or not.  Why do we wear them?  Do we really need them?  Or is it just our own pain that causes us to wear them...

 Personally, I wear mine when I have been hurt so deeply that I cannot see beyond the pain.  It is not that I want to put it on, but the wound is soo deep, and so hard to deal with that the mask is all that lets me keep going, so that I am not always asked what is going on beneath.  I take it off before a few that are trusted, and finally when healing begins the mask comes off for all.

As a Christian, I hate wearing a mask.  I know that I dont have everything in my life in place.  I know that I mess up more times that I can remember.  I know that my brothers and sisters in Christ mess up just as much as I do.  I wish we had places where we could be more open and honest.  I wish the Church could stand up and be that place of safty again for us... maybe it can, but first we all have to get brave and take off the masks and agree to be honest and loving... no matter what we see..  Can we?  Will we?  I pray so....

~ Morria

Same Thing, Same Way?

It saddens me when people over and over and over again, do the same thing, the same way, never changing their methods, when over and over it is falling apart.  If something is broken, not working, or failing, it is time to step back and see what is wrong.  It doesn't matter if you think it cant be done differently...

This is especially true when it come to ministry.  I have seen so many people fall flat, Robby and my self included, because we have tried to do the same thing the same way, when it didnt work right the first time.  That is part of why Robby and I  are thinking about stepping back, to focus on our vocations, so later on we CAN be bi-vocational missionaries.
But just because no one has ever done a ministry a certain way in a church, as long as it is not un-Biblical doesn't mean you cant be the first.  Yeah there are risks, but there are souls at stake too.  What if you not doing it, means God has to find someone else to reach that person, or maybe they dont get reached at all?  That is what has been weight on my heart...  That is all.

~ Morria

It begins again...

31 years, and I am right back where I started 12 years ago.   Deep in mourning, suffering, and trying to figure out what path I should be on. Maybe at least this time I  have a fresh start, and can do things right.  At least I am already married to a good honest man...  At least I am semi-settled in a place I  call home, a Wanderer though I may be...

So much has been lost in translation, so much was left to chance.  No more.  Now I will stand up, and though I am weak, still I will stand.  I am Morria, the strong woman in the midst of bitter sorrows.  I am and will for ever now seek to be ME....  not what people want me to be, not what I THINK others expect or want me to be, just me.

~ Morria

Wayfaring Stranger

Wayfaring Stranger is a personal favorite, dating back to before Robby and I met, though even more so after.  It's a tradition ballad, hymn song, from the mountains, and deeply moving.  Of late espeically verse 3 about "my mother".   I know she is on the other side waiting for me... but this life is not easy in the mean time.  At least I have the hope of my salvation, and my eternal home to wait me.

 This is my favorite version, so I just had to share this...

~ Morria

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Wayfaring Stranger

I am a poor wayfaring stranger,

While traveling through this world of woe.

Yet there's no sickness, toil nor danger,

In the bright world to which I go.

I'm going there to see my father,

I'm going there no more to run,

I'm only going over Jordan,

I'm only going over home...

I know dark clouds will gather round me;

I know my way is rough and steep.

But golden fields lie out before me,

Where God's redeem shall never sleep.

I'm going there to see my mother,

She said she'd meet me when I come.

I'm only going over Jordan,

I'm only going over home...

I'll soon be free from every trial,

My body sleepin' in the churchyard;

I'll drop the cross of self denial,

And enter on my great reward.

I'm going there to see me Savior,

To sing His praise forevermore!

I'm only going over Jordan,

I'm only going over home...

~ Public Domain ~

God, are You there?

Daddy?  God?  Iosa?  Are You still there?   Do You hear me when I pray?  Do You see how shattered I have become?  Do You still guide me through this fog, or have I now wandered into a cave?  Does Your light still shine on my path?  Have I wandered off the path?   I am no longer Yours?  Have You abandon me?  Are You still with me?

Why won't this pain lift from my heart?  Why can I not see beyond the sorrow and the pain?  Betrayal, death, brokenness, loss of trust... two blows at once... more than I could take.  You know me... I have never prayed for life to be easy... I have just prayed for myself to be strong in You, that I might make it through.  Help me keep going... help me keep taking it one day at a time... help me stay strong and not give up.

~ Morria

Motherless Mother's Day

Mother's Day is here again, and for the first time ever, my dear "Merami" is not here with me.  LOL, for those who knew us well, you know we never did see eye to eye on many issue, but we still had a deep reckless love for eachother.   She was the one who put wings to my dreams, but also taught me to see where the ground was to land, without crashing... Not that I am great about the not crashing part.

She could see all my flaws and still see the strong woman beneath.  She could see the wild, untamed spirit, the recklessness, and the dreamer, and found a way for me to harness them and become both a woman, missionary, and a gypsy.  For years I did not see how she was helping me do it, but know grown and over 30, I see it.  Thusly, this first year without her for Mother's Day is very hard.  So much I wish I could tell her...

While I will always miss her greatly, I will always know the woman I am today is largely in part to her.    Thanks, Merami!

~ Morria

Earth Day: 2014

 When we first entered this plant with Adam and Eve, God gave us but one job, tending the garden.

Now many years later, we have to be reminded that we have been given only one Earth, and it is our job to take care of it.  As broken, tattered, and gypsy souls as we are, we only have one dwelling to remain in until we enter heaven, and we best be busy caring for it.

Some might say, we are heaven bound, what does it mater what we do to the earth?  First off, God told us to care for earth.  Secondly, it is a good witness to those who have yet to believe.  Thirdly and personally, there is so much joy to found working with earth and in desert/beach/forest/gardens.  So, if nothing else, take time to day to stop and smell the flowers!

~ Morria

Joy Comes ing the Morning!

Joy comes in the morning!  God has promised it, and it is true. Sometimes it is little small things, sometimes they steal in and surprise us.  But He is good, and even in times of deepest mourning, in fact often more some then... He will give us little joys to carry us through.

~ Morria