What path?

For so long it seems I have been unsure of the path...  not just the people or the place, but which path to take.  Tis not my faith that I question.  It is where this journey is taking us... or maybe that is the problem.  Maybe I have gotten so focused on getting where the journey is taking us, that I have forgotten to enjoy the journey.  Maybe I have forgotten that each day is a part of it, with its own lessons.  Maybe I have gotten so lost in trying to see the big picture, that I have forgotten to see everything around me and just live,  I feel like I have been waiting around for life to start once we get to where we're going, that I have forgotten to live now... maybe that is why I feel stuck in repeat.  Maybe I haven't learned to live in the now yet... to live each day's journey to the fullest.  And then see what tomorrow brings.  I think I will start that, Today!

~ Morria

Travel and Me... and a Home!

Most people think I like to travel just because I call myself a gypsy.  While it is true that I adore the feeling of traveling down the open road, there is something I love and long for even more...A place to put down roots and call "HOME" for long term.  And that is Robby and my goal.  As soon as the lease here in Scottsdale expires... we are heading out one last time... and going to give every effort in our being to settle down in along term home.  Home sweet home...and a place I can wander out from...and always know is waiting for me to come back...that is what I dream of, long for, and greatly desire in life...

~ Morria

Simplify, De-clutter, Rest...

After alot of years traveling, thinking, planning, I have ended up with alot of junk... some of it important, the rest of it just stuff that weighs down the journey.  Yet for the life of me, I cant seem to unload it... so it sits in unused piles, waiting for me to go through, hidden in boxes and behind closed doors.  This is not how I want life to be...

Yet, as the days go by, I am learning ways to curb the clutter. Simple tricks, easy decoration changes (that dont take much room to store), and printing art from the internet (free stuff you know?). Simple changes that can change the feeling of a place in just a moment...

~ Morria

Childless...

I am barren.  This means I am childless, and most likely will be for all time (unless God steps in).  This has been a bitter pill to swallow, especially as all my gal friends start their families.  One of the things I have longed for the most in my life, was to be a mother, and to raise little ones of my own. I am overjoyed for them, and wish them and their little ones nothing but joy and blessings.  Yet, has made me face the facts head on, and come to place of peace and acceptance with them...


For a time I thought working with children in the Church would be a balm to my soul, but, alas, it only made the pain worse.  So, I have stepped down from work with children, at least under the age of middle school... It is not that I dont like to be around others children, working with them in a class long term is just torture.  For now, unless we adopt - which we need a home and more income first -, there will never be a Zahena Sylvaina, Zeke Patrick, Bryan Matthias, or Mahala Lillie in our lives...
And for once I can say, I am becoming okay with that... sure, it is a change in plans from what I had for 30+ years, but I am okay with it... as this journey goes along, we will just see where it takes us....

~ Morria

Figuring things out...

Sometimes I wish I knew more... Understood more... Could peace the puzzle that is life together better... Here I am 32, and sometimes I think I had a better grasp on life at 16 than I do now.  Then there are moments when I think I am beginning to glimpse  the path, only to have it disappear into the shadows again.  I thought I knew who I was when I was 13, when I was 16, when I was 19, when I was 25, but now at 32.... I can honestly say, this Gypsy Gal has no clue who she really is...  Am I the herbalist?  Am I the missionary? I am the wife, who dutifully aids her husband so that he can better provide for them?  Am I the scared girl, who has forgotten her way?  Or am I something more... that I have not quite figured out yet?

Dont get me wrong... I love the life I have lived thus far.  Yet, ever since last year... when my adopted mother died just after I was "stabbed in the back" by someone else I trusted... I have felt displaced, out of focus, not quite sure of the world.  It is not like I have not faced death over and over.  It is not like I have not dealt with betrayal before and come out alright... but this time it rocked me to my core.

I keep think I am coming out of it... I keep think I am getting better... only to find myself still in the dark cave still marveling at the light, but not quite ready to crawl all the way out yet.  Yeah, I may be closer to the opening than I was 6 months ago... but I am not out yet by any mean... "O, God, help me! I cant do this alone!"

~ Morria

My Goals - The "Bucket List"

As I was re-reading my older blogs, I rediscovered my Life Goals which I jotted down in my journal back when I graduated high school in 2001.  It was fun to see myself and my dreams for life back then, even more so... it has been amazing to see just how many I have already fulfilled without even planing!  Now that is an accomplishment, when one forgets what their own goals were, and yet still lives them out with out even trying...  ~_^

Goals for Morria's Life

New (as of 2014):

• Never stop growing closer to God.
• Live a more natural, sustainable, eco-friendly lifestyle.
• Uncluttered, dehoard, and empty baggage from home, life, and soul!
• Rediscover biking, and go on bicycling trips!
• Explore Thailand and/or India...
• Settle down in New Mexico or Arizona!

Old (from 2001):

• Find my journey-task or journey-tasks. (different ones for different phases of life)
• Have and keep 5 close friends. (Working on this one... have 2 -3 long distance ones?)
• Swim in the Ocean, if possible all 7 Seas...
• Explore New Orleans more than once!
• Explore Phoenix. (Currently living there!)
• Explore Seattle, Portland, and Coos Bay!
• Travel to ALL 50 states! (Alaska, Hawaii, Washington, Oregon, Idaho, Georgia, South Carolina, and Florida left!)
• See as much of the World outside the USA as possible. (Been to Canada and Mexico.)
• Explore Ireland.  
• Live a life of Love, Faith, and Kindness...
• Live in such a way, that when I pass... many lives will have been forever change... even if I never know how I touched their hearts...

Accomplished (Unplanned and still got done!):

• Graduate College somewhere. (Stratford - 2003, ISoM - 2007, Stratford - 2015?)
• Be someones gypsy gal... maybe even their gypsy queen! (I am Robby's Gypsy Queen!)
• Get Married. (To Robby, December 15, 2007!)
• Journey Back to Dine Bikeyah (7 times, thus far!)
• Swim acrossed a lake. (Lake Wildwood, Cornerstone Grounds 2008)
• Explore Chicago. (Lived there 14 months, 2008/2009)
• Learn to Drive a Car. (September 2009, Licensed!)
• Go to Estes Park, CO. (2012)
• Be a missionary some where for longer than two months? (Dine Bikeyah, 3 years)

~ Morria

The Journey Begins...

So I find myself on the road again... Life has away of changing when we least expect it.  Life among the Navajo was awesome and I will never forget it.  But it appears that door is closing most likely for good for Robby and me.  No this is not the end of our travels and adventures.  Rather a new door is opening that we were not excepting... where and when it will be, we know not, but we trust Him to show us the path that is set out for us on this new journey-task.

~ Morria

Revelations...

Sometimes in life we think we know and understand what is going on around us.We think we know what the one we love is saying, what they mean, and how life is meant to be.   Then we go about our lives together based on those understandings, meanings, and purpose... we scarfice things for the other.  We base our goals on the other and vise versa.  But what if one day you woke up to find out you had misunderstood each other for years?  That you had misunderstood each other? That you had changed things based on those misunderstandings?  Would it be like a light coming on in the darkness for you?  Would relief flood your streets?  Would joy overtake you?

 For me the storm rolled in this past week.  7 years of misunderstandings, miscommunications, rough pasts, and giving things up thinking that is what had to be done... exploded messily.  But once the explosion was done and everything was out in the open, it was as though the light had been turned on in a dark cave, and all at once we could see beautiful art on the walls.  We saw each other in new lights, dreams long thought needed to abandon are picked back up, and we are so much more at peace together.

To Robby:

My love, my joy, what a blessing you are!
A companion to walk beside me,
A friend to share my joys and sorrows,
A soul mate to know my heart,
A warrior to fight for me in times of danger,
A gentleman to shower me with love.
A servant of God to serve along side,
This is the man who I love!
(MMN - 2014)

~ Morria

Lonely Road

It is not easy walking this road.  In fact, it can be very lonely.  Even when you have a good, loving family, if the dont walk this road in the shadowlands, then there is little comfort there.  The strong arms of the Lord are such a comfort, but it is a blessing when friends, brothers and sisters in Christ come and walk along with you. Those friends can be the light God sends to easy the journey.  A brightness in ones day, and ones life.  Not all friends are light bringers, some so called friends are light dimmers.  Those are the ones, which are likely to betray you, stab you in the back, and leave you worse than when you started... yet in good times run to you.   If it seems to good to be true, more than likely it is.  Yet those who come and help when you are down, bind your wounds, and leave you healing, those are those to keep close.  

Thank God for true friends for they make the lonely road bearable!

~ Morria

One Day at A Time...

Life, especially of late seems not to come easy for me.  The ground is always full of boulders, thorns, and goat heads.  The path is normally flooded, or covered by fog, or pilled with snow.  Yet each day comes new... whether I bid it come or not.  So I have learned, take each day as it come.   Not that each day will make the journey easier, but at least it is less overwhelming.    So I live, and do what I can that needs to be done, trying to remember everything... and take each small step forward.   Before to long, I am looking back and saying, "Wow, there was a path through there, I just couldn't see it before."  Having done that many, many times, each day I am learning to take in stride, and just keep going.

~ Morria

The Fog...

So how do you explain walking through a thick fog in the middle of the desert spring?  Even more how do you explain when that fog is your life? That's how things have felt since March 13th, when my adopted mother, past from this life to the next.  It is not that I am laying around stuck in sorrow.  Nay, in truth, I am up about and going on with daily life.  Tis just that daily things seem to be coated in a thick fog and the Light to my path is not breaking through very far...

~ Morria

Road "Home"?

Just where is home anymore?  Is it out in Dine Bikeyah?  Is it back there in Kentucky?  Is it somewhere else that God has not shown us yet?  So many questions, so many thoughts.  And still not answer for the long road ahead.
Our "little brother" and his passing has made us think harder about so many things.  We dont really know what the path before us holds, but we know we need to, for now, get back out here to Dine Bikeyah, and get here fast.

Yet, here we sit, Robby and I, at the motel in Sallisaw, OK, on our way back to Keavy, KY.  The trip is nearly over, and we will be back to life "as normal"... if there really is such a thing for gypsies like us.  I trust the days and months a head help us figure more stuff out, but for now, this gypsy gal has to get back to Keavy, so she can wash clothing, and get ready for her bus trip to Wichita, KS to see her dying mom...
But first, a good long nights rest and another day on the road.

~ Morria

We made it!

Never in my life have I been so happy to see warm blankets, a matrices and McDonald's dollar menu food...  are bellies are warm and full.  I have gotten to wrap my arms around Merami in a warm hug.  And now I am crashing out... to tired to left my head.  Good night, y'all!  This gypsy goth gal is going to bed even though it is not yet 6pm, as I have been up for over 24 hrs now...

~ Morria

Silvery Night

Alone have I stood on the journey
No one who could share my heart
Alone have I been in my sorrows
No one who could share my joys

On a silvery night, love did come to life
Two hands to join as hearts do sing
On a summer's eve, love found me
Two now to journey on
Together in heart and thought.

© 2009 MMN

~ Morria

Birth Mom Found ME!!!

I got a letter today, via Merami, but Merami did not write it.  No, it was from Mom Norma, my birth mom who gave me up for adoption back in 1983.  Apparently, I have a younger sister named, Christy, who ran into our older sister, Amber, (who was also adopted and our adopted mom's had written each other), and also a little brother named Travis.  Woah, one letter can sure change your life in a heart beat.  I am trying to think of what to say, what to write back... I have dreamed of this day for years, but to actually have the chance... I am so nervous, so excited, and now I am not an only child... I have 3 siblings and all of them are back in my life!

~ Morria

Broken Soul

Sometimes I think myself a lovely thing,
A woman of great beauty,
Yet within me rages a fury,
Deep and untamed
Dark and stained
Bloody life....

White face and darkened eyes,
They do hid this broken soul,
Sparkling eyes they do mask,
Broken dreams
And bitter fears....

Oh who will dry these tears?

© 2005 MMH/MMN

~ Morria

New Life - Full Surender

I was baptized tonight!  Early this morning I totally surrendered my life to God.  Tonight I was baptized in the freezing cold water of the sheep/llama trough at Pastor Meadows house, which is  a small farm.  Again my heart, after being silent for a time, stirs deeply for the Navajo and the gypsy road.  Now, if only I can get warm...lol!

~ Morria

Heart Dreams...

I love life, but not as I am facing it now.   I wish I could go back to January 2001 when life was really good... keep the good friends I have made since then, but go back to a simpler time...when my biggest worry was getting money to go on a Missions trip.

I am just heart sick, in more ways than I can list.   I just want to live a simple life away from this crazy world.   Maybe settle into traveling with a good husband, have a few kids (Zahena, Mahala, Zeke, ?), and create safe havens for youth...  So simple, yet so complex is that dream.

You know, I can do like Paul... put the past with its great triumphs and great tribulations behind me.   If he can do it so can I.  It wont be easy, but what in life is anymore?

Oh, for the simplicity of life on the open road again!

~ Morria

Fort Wayne, IN

Well, I am at Aunt Nel's for a while... then heading to Kansas...till I get money and license...then may haps back to Michigan.  So bad stuff happened, and I got drug into the middle of it.  All I can say, is pray for my little bro, Matt.  He is so lost right now…

It is time to let God start making a path for my life.  I must look into more schooling... and where to get the money for it.   I am praying to get to go back to Michigan... at least until I have money and some training.   Who knows... one plan changes and God opens another door. Life is so strange... but worth living.   At least GOD brings great good out of great darkness as only HE can.  I love begin a gypsy goth gal, but this road is so not easy!

On the bright side, spent yesterday with my Aunt Nel and 2nd cousins Ashley and Liz.   Got a beautiful black dress for prom alternative and stuff to go with it.  Still need gloves, a purse, and shoes, but those will come with time.

~ Morria

Dead to the World?

Mi corp i mort saol a an!  (My body is dead to the world.)

Life is so confusing... just when you think you can see what is going on it all changes.   God, I hand this mess over to you.  Just use me as You see fit.

I will be honest... I am struggling with my faith at the moment.   I do that off and on.   I get on a high with my faith then come down sometimes into the very darkest valleys so to speak.   It seem to be that this is just the storm before life falls in place.... WHO AM I TO KNOW????

Days change, people change, but not always as one would pray.  Why is nothing seeming to go as it should?   God why do You take so long?   This is trying to the soul... but that is the point isn't it?  Nothing worth fighting for comes easy?  RIGHT?

~ Morria