Desert Gypsy Goth, Reawakens!

For those of you who have known me for years, the fact that I consider my self a Goth comes as no surprise.  True, I have alot of steampunk, southwest, dark mori, hippyish, tastes, but that is why I have since 2008 called my style "Desert Gypsy Goth".  Back in the day, I use to speak about being a Goth all the time to who ever would listen, especially the fact that I was/am a Christian Goth.  But to those of you who have met me in the last 5 year, you might suspect, but not be sure.  It is not really something I speak about to much, even though I do have a whole blog dedicated to my hobby of "Gothic Homesteading" and a facebook page to boot!

No, as I have grown older, I know who I am, and just dont care as much what other people say or think.  I know my faith in the Lord, I know my duel callings to the southwest and the "shadowlands", I know that my darker tastes in things are just who I am.  Goodness knows how many times I have tried to brighten up my wardrobe, to only end up back with 90% browns, grays, dark blues and blacks.  But then brown and black have been my favorite wardrobe colors since I was at least 10, though it slowly creeped in.  Basically what I am trying to say is, yes, this is the "Year of the Gypsy", but be sure I am and shall always be me.

~ Morria

PS: Happy World Goth Day (May 22nd)!

Disclaimer: I mean no offence to the Romani culture, I have blood family who is Romani, and they/we take pride in being Gypsy.  ~MMN

Figuring things out...

Sometimes I wish I knew more... Understood more... Could peace the puzzle that is life together better... Here I am 32, and sometimes I think I had a better grasp on life at 16 than I do now.  Then there are moments when I think I am beginning to glimpse  the path, only to have it disappear into the shadows again.  I thought I knew who I was when I was 13, when I was 16, when I was 19, when I was 25, but now at 32.... I can honestly say, this Gypsy Gal has no clue who she really is...  Am I the herbalist?  Am I the missionary? I am the wife, who dutifully aids her husband so that he can better provide for them?  Am I the scared girl, who has forgotten her way?  Or am I something more... that I have not quite figured out yet?

Dont get me wrong... I love the life I have lived thus far.  Yet, ever since last year... when my adopted mother died just after I was "stabbed in the back" by someone else I trusted... I have felt displaced, out of focus, not quite sure of the world.  It is not like I have not faced death over and over.  It is not like I have not dealt with betrayal before and come out alright... but this time it rocked me to my core.

I keep think I am coming out of it... I keep think I am getting better... only to find myself still in the dark cave still marveling at the light, but not quite ready to crawl all the way out yet.  Yeah, I may be closer to the opening than I was 6 months ago... but I am not out yet by any mean... "O, God, help me! I cant do this alone!"

~ Morria

Rediscovery...

They say when you get older you know yourself better...  sadly that is not always true.  I think I knew more about who I was and where I was heading at 16 than I did at 21.  I hit the "real world" and thought, "Hey, I was a kid, I thought like one, I can't do any of that as an adult."  Well, I was wrong.
1) I wanted to be a missionary living out in Dine Bikeyah. - VERY Do able! 
2) I wanted to use and teach others to use herbs. - Working towards now!
3) I wanted to live off the land.  - Working towards our own homestead!


Why did I stop working towards those last two?  Because well meaning adults told me to grow up and join the "real world", you can survive and provide doing those.

So now the door swung open...  I can see clearly the path that was hiding just beneath the fog of lies.  I can be the woman God created me to be.  My love of Herbs, of the Natural world, of tending to others, and living off the land... they do have a place in the 21st Century.  I am not just some crazy dreamer.  I am the Desert Gypsy Goth/ Gypsy Goth Gal that I am suppose to be.  This backward look, for forward purpose, has been a true blessing... a journey of rediscovery of the Morria I have always been underneath...

~ Morria