Figuring things out...

Sometimes I wish I knew more... Understood more... Could peace the puzzle that is life together better... Here I am 32, and sometimes I think I had a better grasp on life at 16 than I do now.  Then there are moments when I think I am beginning to glimpse  the path, only to have it disappear into the shadows again.  I thought I knew who I was when I was 13, when I was 16, when I was 19, when I was 25, but now at 32.... I can honestly say, this Gypsy Gal has no clue who she really is...  Am I the herbalist?  Am I the missionary? I am the wife, who dutifully aids her husband so that he can better provide for them?  Am I the scared girl, who has forgotten her way?  Or am I something more... that I have not quite figured out yet?

Dont get me wrong... I love the life I have lived thus far.  Yet, ever since last year... when my adopted mother died just after I was "stabbed in the back" by someone else I trusted... I have felt displaced, out of focus, not quite sure of the world.  It is not like I have not faced death over and over.  It is not like I have not dealt with betrayal before and come out alright... but this time it rocked me to my core.

I keep think I am coming out of it... I keep think I am getting better... only to find myself still in the dark cave still marveling at the light, but not quite ready to crawl all the way out yet.  Yeah, I may be closer to the opening than I was 6 months ago... but I am not out yet by any mean... "O, God, help me! I cant do this alone!"

~ Morria

Moving..

Stressed,
Nervous,
Excited.

That is how I am feeling right now.  Normal I guess the night before the first part of a big move.  We have a total of 4 trips to make (3 with Midnight the Car, 1 with U-Haul Van).  Why is it always like this?  Of course it never helps that my husband packs his stuff the night before.  I just trust this all gets done quickly, and I can return to normal blogs!  LOL.

~ Morria

Wayfaring Stranger

Wayfaring Stranger is a personal favorite, dating back to before Robby and I met, though even more so after.  It's a tradition ballad, hymn song, from the mountains, and deeply moving.  Of late espeically verse 3 about "my mother".   I know she is on the other side waiting for me... but this life is not easy in the mean time.  At least I have the hope of my salvation, and my eternal home to wait me.

 This is my favorite version, so I just had to share this...

~ Morria

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Wayfaring Stranger

I am a poor wayfaring stranger,

While traveling through this world of woe.

Yet there's no sickness, toil nor danger,

In the bright world to which I go.

I'm going there to see my father,

I'm going there no more to run,

I'm only going over Jordan,

I'm only going over home...

I know dark clouds will gather round me;

I know my way is rough and steep.

But golden fields lie out before me,

Where God's redeem shall never sleep.

I'm going there to see my mother,

She said she'd meet me when I come.

I'm only going over Jordan,

I'm only going over home...

I'll soon be free from every trial,

My body sleepin' in the churchyard;

I'll drop the cross of self denial,

And enter on my great reward.

I'm going there to see me Savior,

To sing His praise forevermore!

I'm only going over Jordan,

I'm only going over home...

~ Public Domain ~

Songs of Sorrow...

Sorrow has come to our dwellings...

A young man close to our family was killed in a horrid accident.

He was like a shadow to my husband.

A young man of a great mind.

He shall be greatly missed.

So young, for his flame to go out.

'Tis time to sing the songs of sorrow about our dwellings.  

The time of mourning has come again.

~ Morria

Disowned ?!?

I dont know where this came from... here we are staying with some family, and there is a big old fight.  I step in and defend verbally my husband.  That turns on me... Now I am a witch, who poisoned Robby's mind, tricked him into planning to go to the Navajo (He has been going summers since 1995, I have only known him since 2004?), and I am doing dark magic.  Umm... NO!  Not only that, my Grandmother and my Mother must be witches too!  No, it is not true.    Robby stepped in and defended me after they had turned on me.  He demanded an apology, as they had not only disrespected his wife, but also a pastor's wife (my mom), and a talented RN who was no longer living to defend herself (my grandma).

That backfired.  Instead of them apologies, we were given 24 hrs to get all our stuff we wanted out of the house, and we were told that from that point on we are totally disowned.  At least we have my truck, Tsalagi, and my family still.  I hate leaving Immanuel Baptist Church, but good bye Kentucky.  Tis not safe for us here.  Maybe when things calm down we will be back.  Dine Bikeyah is still calling, and Kansas is half way there.  Onward... and back to the Gypsy Road it seems... and just when I was getting a wee bit settled in too... *La sigh!*  God help us!

~ Morria

Heart Dreams...

I love life, but not as I am facing it now.   I wish I could go back to January 2001 when life was really good... keep the good friends I have made since then, but go back to a simpler time...when my biggest worry was getting money to go on a Missions trip.

I am just heart sick, in more ways than I can list.   I just want to live a simple life away from this crazy world.   Maybe settle into traveling with a good husband, have a few kids (Zahena, Mahala, Zeke, ?), and create safe havens for youth...  So simple, yet so complex is that dream.

You know, I can do like Paul... put the past with its great triumphs and great tribulations behind me.   If he can do it so can I.  It wont be easy, but what in life is anymore?

Oh, for the simplicity of life on the open road again!

~ Morria