Ashes to Ashes?

April 12th marks the 1 year mark for my Merami's memorial... and the end of my year of mourning, though I know I will still have to deal with her being gone from now till I myself die.  I think the thing I found the hardest is the fact that she was cremated.  I am not even going to touch the pros-cons or religious views of this, but I am dealing with a real issue.  I have no place to go to say good-byes.  No headstone, no grave... Yeah, sure her ashes are up on the mantle at Dad's place, by her picture (same one pictured here from the memorial)... but that is just not the same.

I am not against cremation, but I personal know when my Dad has passed (he has in his will to be cremated too), I am taking his and mom's ashes and burying them in a grave plot, placing a head stone, and having a place to visit, place flowers, and it be final.   Just like this gypsy gal is looking for her Travelers Rendezvous/permanent home till heaven... so do they need a final resting place.  I just hope I can live some where 29 plus years, as my parents did, and  my Dad still does...

~ Morria

It begins again...

31 years, and I am right back where I started 12 years ago.   Deep in mourning, suffering, and trying to figure out what path I should be on. Maybe at least this time I  have a fresh start, and can do things right.  At least I am already married to a good honest man...  At least I am semi-settled in a place I  call home, a Wanderer though I may be...

So much has been lost in translation, so much was left to chance.  No more.  Now I will stand up, and though I am weak, still I will stand.  I am Morria, the strong woman in the midst of bitter sorrows.  I am and will for ever now seek to be ME....  not what people want me to be, not what I THINK others expect or want me to be, just me.

~ Morria

Joy Comes ing the Morning!

Joy comes in the morning!  God has promised it, and it is true. Sometimes it is little small things, sometimes they steal in and surprise us.  But He is good, and even in times of deepest mourning, in fact often more some then... He will give us little joys to carry us through.

~ Morria

Shroud of Mourning

The shroud of mourning has come again to my dwelling for on the eve of last my mother past.  *la sigh* I am now without the woman I have called "mama" , my Merami, for the last 30 years since my adoption at 6 months old.  I am at a loss and feel numb.  Shock, depression, and unsureness... this is what I can put my finger on for feelings.  Numbness for sure.  So thankful for my Robby today.  Who knows what the next months foretell?

~ Morria

Songs of Sorrow...

Sorrow has come to our dwellings...

A young man close to our family was killed in a horrid accident.

He was like a shadow to my husband.

A young man of a great mind.

He shall be greatly missed.

So young, for his flame to go out.

'Tis time to sing the songs of sorrow about our dwellings.  

The time of mourning has come again.

~ Morria

Battles...

Awake and arise oh sleeper, for the year of thy mourning has passed from thy gates!!! Arise again unto thy callings and be renewed!

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Why do I feel like my soul is ripped in 2?  Everything comes against me  at once, yet I strive to hold my ground, as a good warrior.  But I am beaten to the ground, broken and crying.  Why Lord must all these things happen?  I just do not understand!  Yet still to You do I cling... what other chance of making it is there?

The tides turn, some of the battles lessen, while others do intensify... A warrior am I, and a warrior I will stay... "Oh, Father, put some balm upon my wounds that I might carry on!  Help me find the journey-task!"

~ Morria