Ashes to Ashes?

April 12th marks the 1 year mark for my Merami's memorial... and the end of my year of mourning, though I know I will still have to deal with her being gone from now till I myself die.  I think the thing I found the hardest is the fact that she was cremated.  I am not even going to touch the pros-cons or religious views of this, but I am dealing with a real issue.  I have no place to go to say good-byes.  No headstone, no grave... Yeah, sure her ashes are up on the mantle at Dad's place, by her picture (same one pictured here from the memorial)... but that is just not the same.

I am not against cremation, but I personal know when my Dad has passed (he has in his will to be cremated too), I am taking his and mom's ashes and burying them in a grave plot, placing a head stone, and having a place to visit, place flowers, and it be final.   Just like this gypsy gal is looking for her Travelers Rendezvous/permanent home till heaven... so do they need a final resting place.  I just hope I can live some where 29 plus years, as my parents did, and  my Dad still does...

~ Morria

68, she never saw...

Merami would have turned 68 years old today...
But she lost the battle to cancer back in March...
She didnt make it to 68... let alone 70....
I thought Merami and I were not that close... I thought her passing would not leave this kinda void. After all, she and I never saw eye to eye on most things...

I use to call her into account on her hoarding all the time... she would just blame me for making the mess.  When I lived in the house, I fell for it.  Once I had moved out,I realized, I wasn't the one who made the mess, she just used me as her scapegoat, so she didn't have to face that she had become what she despised the worst... A hoarder. I really started to feel sorry for her... she really believed it was Dad and my fault for not helping her with the mess...and us for making it.  She has been gone less than a year, and Dad has the house nearly back to how I remember it when I was young.

Still, she was a giving soul, with a heart of deep love for others.  She always was talking about missions, children, and was someone I could talk to about both... plus my own struggles of not having a child yet... after all... she was 36 when she adopted me!  I miss the "care packages", even if I threw half of the "bargains" away because they were so cheep they didnt work... still, she was thinking of me...and the specialty Coffees, Natural Candies, Trail Mixes,  and such, always made the box worth getting.  That and she always sent underwear.... Why I had to always buy my own when I lived at home, and the minute I left home she started sending me new clean underwear, is beyond me... but she did, and it was always a blessing.  LOL!  That's a mom for you.

So, in conclusion, Happy 68th Birthday, Merami!  I trust your first one in Heaven rocked!

~ Morria

Earth Day: 2014

 When we first entered this plant with Adam and Eve, God gave us but one job, tending the garden.

Now many years later, we have to be reminded that we have been given only one Earth, and it is our job to take care of it.  As broken, tattered, and gypsy souls as we are, we only have one dwelling to remain in until we enter heaven, and we best be busy caring for it.

Some might say, we are heaven bound, what does it mater what we do to the earth?  First off, God told us to care for earth.  Secondly, it is a good witness to those who have yet to believe.  Thirdly and personally, there is so much joy to found working with earth and in desert/beach/forest/gardens.  So, if nothing else, take time to day to stop and smell the flowers!

~ Morria

Ashen Skies...

God, burn up all the ugly parts of my life!  Kill the parts of me that You dont want around.   I hate this life like it is right now, with such pain and sorrow.  Burn out the sin, burn out the evil, leave only what You will in their place. Amen!

I don't know where I am headed...I once did... but all this craziness has clouded my view.   God help me see the path again... the ash in the sky is too thick!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gaze to heaven, soul in ashes,

Heart on fire, life in rune,

Trials and turmoils,

Joys and blessings,

All this way do come.

Gaze above, life shadows

Heart alive, soul in distress,

Pain and death,

Healing and life,

All this way do come.

© 2004 MMH/MMN

~ Morria

Leaving Kansas…

1 day left in Kansas... I am both loving the thought of leaving... and yet it is so bittersweet to leave behind all my friends.   Well, I will be back to visit.

I saw my cousin, Lynn, yesterday at the mall.  We hung out for an hour... it was fun to see her face while we were in some of the stores: we have such different tastes.   I got a journal for all my must private thoughts... one with a lock so no one, like my little "brother", can read them.

Mom is throwing me a going away party at my church.   I kinda like the idea... but it is just so hard to say goodbye... or even if I will see you later or in heaven, if not before.  *La sigh*  Well, life must go on... as must I.

A gypsy goth gal am I, and this is the price of such a life...

~ Morria