68, she never saw...

Merami would have turned 68 years old today...
But she lost the battle to cancer back in March...
She didnt make it to 68... let alone 70....
I thought Merami and I were not that close... I thought her passing would not leave this kinda void. After all, she and I never saw eye to eye on most things...

I use to call her into account on her hoarding all the time... she would just blame me for making the mess.  When I lived in the house, I fell for it.  Once I had moved out,I realized, I wasn't the one who made the mess, she just used me as her scapegoat, so she didn't have to face that she had become what she despised the worst... A hoarder. I really started to feel sorry for her... she really believed it was Dad and my fault for not helping her with the mess...and us for making it.  She has been gone less than a year, and Dad has the house nearly back to how I remember it when I was young.

Still, she was a giving soul, with a heart of deep love for others.  She always was talking about missions, children, and was someone I could talk to about both... plus my own struggles of not having a child yet... after all... she was 36 when she adopted me!  I miss the "care packages", even if I threw half of the "bargains" away because they were so cheep they didnt work... still, she was thinking of me...and the specialty Coffees, Natural Candies, Trail Mixes,  and such, always made the box worth getting.  That and she always sent underwear.... Why I had to always buy my own when I lived at home, and the minute I left home she started sending me new clean underwear, is beyond me... but she did, and it was always a blessing.  LOL!  That's a mom for you.

So, in conclusion, Happy 68th Birthday, Merami!  I trust your first one in Heaven rocked!

~ Morria

The Fog...

So how do you explain walking through a thick fog in the middle of the desert spring?  Even more how do you explain when that fog is your life? That's how things have felt since March 13th, when my adopted mother, past from this life to the next.  It is not that I am laying around stuck in sorrow.  Nay, in truth, I am up about and going on with daily life.  Tis just that daily things seem to be coated in a thick fog and the Light to my path is not breaking through very far...

~ Morria

She's Gone?

On March 13th, I lost something... No, someone, very dear to me.  I lost my mother.  I had dwelt with her from 6 months old till I was 24, and spoke with her nearly every day.  Now there is an empty void.  I keep expecting her to call.  I keep expecting to hear her voice on the other end of the phone... but I never will again.  How does one prepare for this?  How can CANCER do this to us?

Yeah, sure, I had nearly 2 years to prepare... from October 2012, till now.  But still all that is left is this throbbing hole where she once was.  I lost my guide for children's ministry stuff, true I am in Dine Bikeyah and she was in Kansas, but I always called her.  I lost my care box maker... which I normally got one box a month, and card every week... I will never see her handwriting in the mail box again... HELP!  I am heart broken... what do I do from here?

~ Morria

Shroud of Mourning

The shroud of mourning has come again to my dwelling for on the eve of last my mother past.  *la sigh* I am now without the woman I have called "mama" , my Merami, for the last 30 years since my adoption at 6 months old.  I am at a loss and feel numb.  Shock, depression, and unsureness... this is what I can put my finger on for feelings.  Numbness for sure.  So thankful for my Robby today.  Who knows what the next months foretell?

~ Morria