Windy Season...

The windy season is beginning to blow into the valley, and my soul is getting happy for it means spring is here.  The time of planting and rejoining the outside world for exploring and gathering is here again... a time of new beginnings and new life joining the world.  A time for fun...

It is a strange time for me as well... it is like the weight of 22 years has fallen off of me.  The last time the world has felt as it does now, I was 10 years old.  Looking back I wander, have I been fighting depression ever since then?  Has that been the burden I could not shake off?  It is as though the world is light and full of joy... as though hope is around every corner...

It makes me think of my childhood, of running through the forests of my Grandma Fitzpatrick's land... of the cross shaped tree, the fallen logs which we hid in, Deirdrea and I.  Of foot races, dreams, and plans, of laughter, stories, and adventures never forgotten.  And then coming in to her home and us three cousins sitting down to watch the Never Ending Story together (the only movie all 3 of us agreed on).  Yes, good times all...
If the future is even 1/2 as bright as those day were...even in the hardest of times, then things really will be looking up.

~ Morria

Childless...

I am barren.  This means I am childless, and most likely will be for all time (unless God steps in).  This has been a bitter pill to swallow, especially as all my gal friends start their families.  One of the things I have longed for the most in my life, was to be a mother, and to raise little ones of my own. I am overjoyed for them, and wish them and their little ones nothing but joy and blessings.  Yet, has made me face the facts head on, and come to place of peace and acceptance with them...


For a time I thought working with children in the Church would be a balm to my soul, but, alas, it only made the pain worse.  So, I have stepped down from work with children, at least under the age of middle school... It is not that I dont like to be around others children, working with them in a class long term is just torture.  For now, unless we adopt - which we need a home and more income first -, there will never be a Zahena Sylvaina, Zeke Patrick, Bryan Matthias, or Mahala Lillie in our lives...
And for once I can say, I am becoming okay with that... sure, it is a change in plans from what I had for 30+ years, but I am okay with it... as this journey goes along, we will just see where it takes us....

~ Morria

What is going on?

What is really going on?  What in the world am I doing here?  Everything feels so odd... So out of place... So wrong.    If I am suppose to be in the place, how long and why?  Was it to refind myself?  I have done that (I think?).  Was to settle once and for all my heart is in Dine Bikeyah?  I have most diffenently learned that.  Was it for Rob to learn what he need to?  His doing that.   Now what?   How long till I get to return to New Mexico?  How long till we can settle down for good?   Or is there more crazy stuff first?  I am not sure how much longer my heart and soul can wait...

~ Morria

Dancing Again...

 Have you ever stopped doing something, either because you just forgot to do it or because where you lived it became impossible to do?  As time wore on, you vaguely remember the joy and happiness, the release and storytelling it brought to your life, the art and vibrancy it brought to your soul and your home... then one day, you began to look back on your life and wonder, "Where did the dancing go?"   I can even remember why I stopped.  Maybe Merami's clutter took up the dance floor (aka living room).  Maybe I moved away and didnt have a place to for a long time... Or maybe I just forgot how to let go and move to the music.  For what ever reason, stop it did.  And my heart got homesick for it...

Not an more!   Today dance has returned to my home... and I feel so alive... a piece of my soul is whole again.  Why I ever stopped, or if I just planned to rest from an injury or something, I will never know, but now I am go to make room for it in my days again.   I use to dance daily, if not more, and I was alive, vibrant, and me...  I stopped, and art slowly faded from my life...  Maybe as I dance, and my soul awakens... my drawing and other art will return as well...

~ Morria 

Gypsy Gal's Song of Reflection

Be still, my wandering soul,

Rest, my gypsy feet,

Be at peace, my sojourning heart!

The Journey-Giver is with you,

The Story-Maker is your King,

The Refuge-Keeper is your God!

O, sing my soul!

O, dance my feet!

O, rejoice my heart!

Magnify His Holy Name!

© 2015 MMN  

~ Morria 

Water...

Water... tis like a second home to me.  Be it a lake, a pond, an ocean, or a simple swimming pool, it awakens my soul.   I was reminded of this again today, as I was able to go swimming at one of 3 pools nigh our apartment.  Twas so refreshing... may haps we need to think of dwelling near water after this leg of the journey is over.

~ Morria

68, she never saw...

Merami would have turned 68 years old today...
But she lost the battle to cancer back in March...
She didnt make it to 68... let alone 70....
I thought Merami and I were not that close... I thought her passing would not leave this kinda void. After all, she and I never saw eye to eye on most things...

I use to call her into account on her hoarding all the time... she would just blame me for making the mess.  When I lived in the house, I fell for it.  Once I had moved out,I realized, I wasn't the one who made the mess, she just used me as her scapegoat, so she didn't have to face that she had become what she despised the worst... A hoarder. I really started to feel sorry for her... she really believed it was Dad and my fault for not helping her with the mess...and us for making it.  She has been gone less than a year, and Dad has the house nearly back to how I remember it when I was young.

Still, she was a giving soul, with a heart of deep love for others.  She always was talking about missions, children, and was someone I could talk to about both... plus my own struggles of not having a child yet... after all... she was 36 when she adopted me!  I miss the "care packages", even if I threw half of the "bargains" away because they were so cheep they didnt work... still, she was thinking of me...and the specialty Coffees, Natural Candies, Trail Mixes,  and such, always made the box worth getting.  That and she always sent underwear.... Why I had to always buy my own when I lived at home, and the minute I left home she started sending me new clean underwear, is beyond me... but she did, and it was always a blessing.  LOL!  That's a mom for you.

So, in conclusion, Happy 68th Birthday, Merami!  I trust your first one in Heaven rocked!

~ Morria

Seasons of Change...

"Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my Light..."  As seasons change, and the people we know change, are taken from us, or grow away from us, tis a joy to know Iosa* is always with us.  And winds of change do keep blowing strongly through my life.  Yet that can be a good thing, as it give clarity, focus, and new experiences to the journey of life. I do not as of yet know exactly where this journey will take us for long, but I am so thankful for Iosa's Light as I have gone through my journeys.... not sure where I would be with out it, but not here that is for sure.

"High King of Heaven, my treasure Thou art!"  It can be strange to think about what use to be important.  All the stuff that needlessly clutters our lives. All those small things that take up so much space, but yet mean soo little or nothing at all.  What is a treasure to me?  I only have a few earthly ones:  Robby, my doll - Beth (which I have had since I was 10), our two Navajo Rugs, and all our dear friends and family (most of these people we shall see in heaven, if not all before the end)...
But my greatest treasure is Iosa, I would chose Him above it all, for He is my hope and my salvation!  Without Him nothing else matters!

"Be Thou my soul's shelter!"  A shelter for the soul, a refuge in troubled times, that is what Iosa  is!  More than that, He is the strong tower in which we wage our war against the spiritual darkness from within.  Outside of Him, we fall and are easily slain and devoured by the enemy (Satan), but in Iosa, His Light, and with Him as our Treasure, we can stand strong through it all.  I may not know where the journey is going, but I know with Iosa, we will journey on!

~ Morria


*Iosa is Irish Gaelic for Jesus.

Trouble came and went...

I learned an important lesson in taking in fellow travelers, gypsies, and nomads this week.  An old friend, Rekker, whom I had not seen in some time... came through Didean this week... He thought he would come to my house and take over the safe haven... I had offered him shelter as an old friend.  But in less than a day he was causing trouble... first he hit on me, only to find out Robby and I are a couple.  Then he tried to take over running the safe house.  Then he had the nerve to start telling all of us how we were going to run Didean from then on... Thankfully Jo and the kids were out of town visiting friends for the week, or she would have tangled with him BIG time.


As it was, I had very cross words with him.  He had been told he could sleep on the floor in the living room with the mats and sleeping bags until something better could be found.  Instead, he ordered Robby out of his room, put in an air conditioner (which no one should have as the wiring in that room needs fixing, and will be worked on in 2 weeks), and invited a girl we dont know over.  That and he tried to get meds at the hospital, only to not want to wait the 5 hrs needed to get them (we later found out he abuses them).  Good riddance.  I am all for helping fellow gypies, travelers, and nomads, but they have to respect the house and the few rules we keep.  Rekker did not.  Farewell, I trust you find what you are looking for and some peace in your soul to go with it....

~ Morria

Wandering Soul

For a friend....

Wandering soul with no name of your own.
Wandering soul so all alone.
You wander to and fro
with no home of your own.

Wandering soul, seek you companions?
Wandering soul, seek ye friends?
Wandering soul, seek ye a name of your own?

Wandering soul, seek ye the new road.
Wandering soul, seek ye the heavenly way.
Wandering soul, open thine heart and thy soul
for many do love thee.

© 2004 MMH/MMN

~ Morria

Bitter Days...

dark, dark lay my soul in bitter whoa,
for much that was is no more
and much that will be is not yet...
so much is lost and that now gone
so much never to be regained...
such was the pains of those bitter days

© 2004 MMH/MMN

~ Morria

Balm

Hands of Mercy, Hands of Grace, Flowing down from Thy Divine place. 
Words of Love, Words of Joy, Dancing into my immortal soul.

Look of Peace, Look of Promise, Shining out from Thy Holy face. Soothing balm, Soothing clam, Have now You sent to me

 To fill this my bitter hole. 

© 2004 MMH/MMN

~ Morria

Ashen Skies...

God, burn up all the ugly parts of my life!  Kill the parts of me that You dont want around.   I hate this life like it is right now, with such pain and sorrow.  Burn out the sin, burn out the evil, leave only what You will in their place. Amen!

I don't know where I am headed...I once did... but all this craziness has clouded my view.   God help me see the path again... the ash in the sky is too thick!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gaze to heaven, soul in ashes,

Heart on fire, life in rune,

Trials and turmoils,

Joys and blessings,

All this way do come.

Gaze above, life shadows

Heart alive, soul in distress,

Pain and death,

Healing and life,

All this way do come.

© 2004 MMH/MMN

~ Morria

Reflections: 2004

"Riches I heed not nor man's empty praise,

 THOU mine inheritance now and always! " ~ Be Thou My Vision

Let me tell you a bit about the woman I am becoming again....

I am a fun loving, dedicated Christian...recommitted to purity , honesty, humility, and a simplistic lifestyle.   I am into Celtic Christianity and the history of Native America, especially the Navajo.   Personally, I am gypsy gal.  It does not take much to make me happy, a dry place to sleep, some food, good friends, and mi Lord. 

I am kinda shy except with those I am close to, but this is partially because I don't want to hurt others.   In the past I have been like poison, so until I am sure I am not again...I tend to hang back a bit.  Once I open up though, I tend to be bold and confess my soul to you.

That is who I am right now... growing in God... spending time daily in HIS Word.  Praying, seeking His will, and living for Him....seeking a chance to get back on the open road.

~ Morria

On the Run?

A few nights ago, my dear brother hurt me deeply, more than I can ever explain... Maybe I was too naive and trusting.  Maybe I could not see the darkness that had creeped into things around us...  all I can say is he betrayed me in a way that no one should ever be...

This has been the worst St. Patrick's Day of my life... and the nearly black, rainy skies are more than proof of that.  I am not talking pretty rain, I am talking the rain that feels like ice to freeze the soul.  All I can say is   "Tá brón orm!" (sorry) to Matt, and "Go raibh maith agaibh!" (thank you) to those who have helped me since then.

~ Morria

Dead to the World?

Mi corp i mort saol a an!  (My body is dead to the world.)

Life is so confusing... just when you think you can see what is going on it all changes.   God, I hand this mess over to you.  Just use me as You see fit.

I will be honest... I am struggling with my faith at the moment.   I do that off and on.   I get on a high with my faith then come down sometimes into the very darkest valleys so to speak.   It seem to be that this is just the storm before life falls in place.... WHO AM I TO KNOW????

Days change, people change, but not always as one would pray.  Why is nothing seeming to go as it should?   God why do You take so long?   This is trying to the soul... but that is the point isn't it?  Nothing worth fighting for comes easy?  RIGHT?

~ Morria

Battles...

Awake and arise oh sleeper, for the year of thy mourning has passed from thy gates!!! Arise again unto thy callings and be renewed!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why do I feel like my soul is ripped in 2?  Everything comes against me  at once, yet I strive to hold my ground, as a good warrior.  But I am beaten to the ground, broken and crying.  Why Lord must all these things happen?  I just do not understand!  Yet still to You do I cling... what other chance of making it is there?

The tides turn, some of the battles lessen, while others do intensify... A warrior am I, and a warrior I will stay... "Oh, Father, put some balm upon my wounds that I might carry on!  Help me find the journey-task!"

~ Morria

Mortal Prison

Oh, mortal shell that I wear,

trapped within its prison cell.

How long I for the freedom of immortality,

the open flight of Spirit

far beyond this mortal world.

Long have I sought in vain

for this freedom of the Soul.

Long have I sought to find this joy

for my mortal self.

Who shall free those trapped

within the prison of mortality?

Who shall journey this world

filled with dying mortals,

yet walk immortally?

Who shall unlock the chains of sin and doubt,

that bind all within this mortal shell?

A Holy Son, born of mortal woman and Divine Father.

He shall break each chain and bar

 of our prison cell.

For though He walked this mortal world

 and died a mortal death,

 Death its hold could not keep,

Sin its stain would not hold,

For the Divine Father chose to restore

this His immortal Son.

Silver Chalice, in the nail scared hands,

Drink this His immortal blood

and cast aside the shell of mortality.

Yeshua, Holy Son, save us now

 by thy Divine plan.

 2002 - MMH/MMN

~ Morria

Winter!

Winter is here again with all her lady like charms!  The crisp, cool air, the dancing flakes of snow, the ice crystals forming on the windows... such a delight for the soul!  I await her chill arrival every year, and at last she has crossed my door step!  This winter child is content!

~ Morria