Desert Gypsy Goth, Reawakens!

For those of you who have known me for years, the fact that I consider my self a Goth comes as no surprise.  True, I have alot of steampunk, southwest, dark mori, hippyish, tastes, but that is why I have since 2008 called my style "Desert Gypsy Goth".  Back in the day, I use to speak about being a Goth all the time to who ever would listen, especially the fact that I was/am a Christian Goth.  But to those of you who have met me in the last 5 year, you might suspect, but not be sure.  It is not really something I speak about to much, even though I do have a whole blog dedicated to my hobby of "Gothic Homesteading" and a facebook page to boot!

No, as I have grown older, I know who I am, and just dont care as much what other people say or think.  I know my faith in the Lord, I know my duel callings to the southwest and the "shadowlands", I know that my darker tastes in things are just who I am.  Goodness knows how many times I have tried to brighten up my wardrobe, to only end up back with 90% browns, grays, dark blues and blacks.  But then brown and black have been my favorite wardrobe colors since I was at least 10, though it slowly creeped in.  Basically what I am trying to say is, yes, this is the "Year of the Gypsy", but be sure I am and shall always be me.

~ Morria

PS: Happy World Goth Day (May 22nd)!

Disclaimer: I mean no offence to the Romani culture, I have blood family who is Romani, and they/we take pride in being Gypsy.  ~MMN

The Path comes into Light...

 Today was one of those days you will never forget, when you get a chance to live it. Today's whole service was on missions.  There was a prayer time before it, and I prayed for guidance, very clear guidance, for the path ahead for Robby and me... not even knowing the theme of the whole day. And what a day! Today the youth pastor at our church announced along with his family that they were on track to become international missionaries with SBC and be serving in Southeast Asia.   His wife is becoming a good friend, and I trust we have to to become closer before they leave at the end of the year.  At least, I have offered to help her in any way I can before they depart!

Not only did that happen, but at last I got clarity about the direction Robby and I are headed for ministry with Desert Refuge Ministry.   There were a few open doors, and Robby had been feeling lead towards one of them... Today, that was confirmed for me as well, as the Lord showed me it answered most, if not all, the callings we had felt, in one location/region.  So, from here, preparation begins.  How long will that take?  Only the Lord knows, but Robby doesn't finish school till fall.... so not before then.

~ Morria

Nothing for the Journey?

Luke 9:3, "Take nothing for the journey, no staff, nor bag, nor bread, nor money; and do not have two tunics." ~ ESV  That is a verse that has weighed heave on my soul since I was just 15.  I grew up with a hoarder, and every time I tried to downsize...  I was made to put stuff back.  Then I set out with my husband to start our new life... and we left with a duffle bag each and two backpacks to go on the bus.  Then we moved to and from Chicago with truck load of items.  Then from Kansas to Flagstaff to Thoreau with smaller truck load.  Then we took a uhall to Keavy, KY from Thoreau with all the stuff we had gathered.  Then we stored much of our stuff when we moved from Keavy to Farmington, NM.  When we came to Phoenix, we make 3 trips in 1 car.   I feel the weight of the items we have gathered.  I miss the lightness of the early days.... of that first trip as we just started out.

I know the "Gypsy Road", the path of a nomad, a traveler for the Lord, is not for everyone... and there are times I just want to throw in the towel and say I am done...but He picks me up and says, "For such a time as this..." and I keep going.  Yes we will settle down somewhat one day... and are semi-settled even now.  But that does not mean we should become to attached to things...  For we are all just passing through, and this earth is not our homes... Heaven is our true home, for all who believe!

~ Morria

Companions missing...

Some thing is missing on the journey, some of those who have journeyed beside...  Not that all of them have passed, but some's journeys have taken out of each others lives.  Bev and I speak not as much.  Deirdrea and I e-mail.  Lynn and I have not spoken in nearly  15 years.  Matt has vanished.  Rayne and I message now and again.  Rebv and I text and talk now and then...  What has happened to the friends of old?  True, I have my beloved, Robby.  But my heart longs for more friends...

 

 Now as we begin  again in this new place... I wonder, shall I be able to connect with anyone?  Friendships do not come by me easy... and I do try...  "Lord, help me find so true friends for this leg of the journey..."

~ Morria

Lonely Road

It is not easy walking this road.  In fact, it can be very lonely.  Even when you have a good, loving family, if the dont walk this road in the shadowlands, then there is little comfort there.  The strong arms of the Lord are such a comfort, but it is a blessing when friends, brothers and sisters in Christ come and walk along with you. Those friends can be the light God sends to easy the journey.  A brightness in ones day, and ones life.  Not all friends are light bringers, some so called friends are light dimmers.  Those are the ones, which are likely to betray you, stab you in the back, and leave you worse than when you started... yet in good times run to you.   If it seems to good to be true, more than likely it is.  Yet those who come and help when you are down, bind your wounds, and leave you healing, those are those to keep close.  

Thank God for true friends for they make the lonely road bearable!

~ Morria

We Made It!

We got up early Friday Morning, and ate a heart meal of waffles thanks to the hot continental breakfast at our hotel. Then we pushed, and I mean pushed hard.  We stopped a few times to refill the gas and our bellies, but other than that we pushed.  From 9am Central time to 5am Mountian time the next day (today/Saturday) we were on the road.  We crashed on the warm, old brown carpet here at BABR to catch a quick nap before anyone was really up.  Then by 8am we were up and getting around for the memorial.

Why do we have to say "goodbye"?  Why do these things keep happening? Why does it seem I out live many who are even younger than I?  I mean, I am getting use to the thought I might not have my Merami much longer, but to lose someone who was just 17?  It sickens my heart, especially when it was to suicide.   Yet, I know how hard it can be.  When I was 16/17, I was facing death I thought... due to my "mystery" illness which to this day has no true name.  I myself thought of just ending it all a few times... years ago.  But to actually follow through... NO, I promise everyone, I will not even toy with that idea ever again, from this day forth... and thus honor my fallen brother's memory all the more.  Rest at peace in our Lord's arms little brother!

~ Morria

On the road again...

Merami is having surgery come next week... Robby and I are heading out to go to Kansas to be with her, and then since we are closer maybe go to Colorado for around our 5th Wedding Anniversary.  It's also that our "landlady" told us to get out...  I dont know if it is the medicines for "her" back and neck surgery playing with her or not, but supposedly Robby and I are disowned yet again, and were asked not to return except to get our stuff.  If it is like before, give it a few weeks to a month, and she will forget that she told us that... still, it kills me inside to be called a witch who is poisoning Robby's mind... I have enough stress as is with my Merami most likely in her last stand, fighting against cancer...  So thankful our church Immanuel rescued us tonight with a hotel room...

"Please, Lord, have mercy on us!  Give us grace as we go... "

~ Morria

Grandmother's Passing

*sobs hard*  My grandma went home to be with the Lord today.   She was the last of my grandparents.  Now all the elders are gone.  I miss her so much.  I went into my room and rubbed her lotion on my arms, for her skin always smelled of it.  It smelled like her hugs.  

Alas, I wanted to be on the road again, but not for her funeral...  Fare thee well, Grandma Fitzpatrick.  Rest in peace my beloved "White Rose"...

~ Morria

Reflections: 2004

"Riches I heed not nor man's empty praise,

 THOU mine inheritance now and always! " ~ Be Thou My Vision

Let me tell you a bit about the woman I am becoming again....

I am a fun loving, dedicated Christian...recommitted to purity , honesty, humility, and a simplistic lifestyle.   I am into Celtic Christianity and the history of Native America, especially the Navajo.   Personally, I am gypsy gal.  It does not take much to make me happy, a dry place to sleep, some food, good friends, and mi Lord. 

I am kinda shy except with those I am close to, but this is partially because I don't want to hurt others.   In the past I have been like poison, so until I am sure I am not again...I tend to hang back a bit.  Once I open up though, I tend to be bold and confess my soul to you.

That is who I am right now... growing in God... spending time daily in HIS Word.  Praying, seeking His will, and living for Him....seeking a chance to get back on the open road.

~ Morria

Good Mood...

I am trying to keep in a good mood...as most likely you can tell.  It is hard some days, for at times I only have enough energy to rest on the couch, read, and talk with friends.   God is helping me.  While I'll never understand why He allows this stuff to happen... I am kinda glad He did.

Nothing like a mystery illness to drive me into His Word and prayer... because that is all I have left to cling to in this life.  My possessions mean little, money means little... the things that matter: friends, family, the Lord, the journey-task.   Those are what in this life that make it matter...

~ Morria

Battles...

Awake and arise oh sleeper, for the year of thy mourning has passed from thy gates!!! Arise again unto thy callings and be renewed!

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Why do I feel like my soul is ripped in 2?  Everything comes against me  at once, yet I strive to hold my ground, as a good warrior.  But I am beaten to the ground, broken and crying.  Why Lord must all these things happen?  I just do not understand!  Yet still to You do I cling... what other chance of making it is there?

The tides turn, some of the battles lessen, while others do intensify... A warrior am I, and a warrior I will stay... "Oh, Father, put some balm upon my wounds that I might carry on!  Help me find the journey-task!"

~ Morria