Finding the Path

It has been a hard year.   Moved back to Dine Bikeyah only to have my heart ripped out and trampled on by those who asked us out here.  Just after that, my Merami (mother) passed away suddenly.   After the memorial, I basically shut down for 2-3 months.  Darkness over took me.  I was lost.  I did not know what path to be on anymore.  Kept going through the motions, knowing that if I kept going forward, I would in time see the light beyond the deep heavy fog that I was in.

Then this month, the light has begun the peak through a bit.  My husband, Robby, and I decided to sit down and watch a TV show he had discovered called "Grimm".  To my surprise, I loved it.   Even more surprising, it awoke in me realization I could turn my passion into a living.  So now I am studying to become a Natural Health Consultant, phase 1 of my 4 part plan: Phase 1: Natural Health Consultant Training; Phase 2: Master Herbalist Training; Phase 3: Doula or Midwife Training; Phase 4: Open Herb, Tea, Spice Shop and Natural Health Consultant Office.   Now my passion for herbs and natural health wont be wasted...

So I must say, while the pathway is still as dark as ever, now a path way is lit before me.  The way is clearer, and my hope stronger.  My faith will carry me on, even if I dont understand why I am going through these things.  So I say again, "To you my Lord, will I cling.  Christ before me, Christ behind me, Christ to my right, and Christ to my left."

~  Morria

She's Gone?

On March 13th, I lost something... No, someone, very dear to me.  I lost my mother.  I had dwelt with her from 6 months old till I was 24, and spoke with her nearly every day.  Now there is an empty void.  I keep expecting her to call.  I keep expecting to hear her voice on the other end of the phone... but I never will again.  How does one prepare for this?  How can CANCER do this to us?

Yeah, sure, I had nearly 2 years to prepare... from October 2012, till now.  But still all that is left is this throbbing hole where she once was.  I lost my guide for children's ministry stuff, true I am in Dine Bikeyah and she was in Kansas, but I always called her.  I lost my care box maker... which I normally got one box a month, and card every week... I will never see her handwriting in the mail box again... HELP!  I am heart broken... what do I do from here?

~ Morria

On the road again...

Merami is having surgery come next week... Robby and I are heading out to go to Kansas to be with her, and then since we are closer maybe go to Colorado for around our 5th Wedding Anniversary.  It's also that our "landlady" told us to get out...  I dont know if it is the medicines for "her" back and neck surgery playing with her or not, but supposedly Robby and I are disowned yet again, and were asked not to return except to get our stuff.  If it is like before, give it a few weeks to a month, and she will forget that she told us that... still, it kills me inside to be called a witch who is poisoning Robby's mind... I have enough stress as is with my Merami most likely in her last stand, fighting against cancer...  So thankful our church Immanuel rescued us tonight with a hotel room...

"Please, Lord, have mercy on us!  Give us grace as we go... "

~ Morria

Horror!

Merami is ill.  CANCER!  My heart is crying for her!  How can I stay here?  How can I leave?  She says there is little chance of beating it.  The Docs give her 6 moths at tops, she is praying for longer so she and Dad can get her afares in order.    What is a daughter to do?

It's not like I have not lived with the possibility of this since I was old enough to understand... 4 years old I think I was, the first time I understood what one of her cancer scares was.  But not this... this is the first time it has not been just a scare.  

Shock...
Horror...
Fright...
That is all that comes mind... I'm at a loss for words.

~ Morria