Childless...

I am barren.  This means I am childless, and most likely will be for all time (unless God steps in).  This has been a bitter pill to swallow, especially as all my gal friends start their families.  One of the things I have longed for the most in my life, was to be a mother, and to raise little ones of my own. I am overjoyed for them, and wish them and their little ones nothing but joy and blessings.  Yet, has made me face the facts head on, and come to place of peace and acceptance with them...


For a time I thought working with children in the Church would be a balm to my soul, but, alas, it only made the pain worse.  So, I have stepped down from work with children, at least under the age of middle school... It is not that I dont like to be around others children, working with them in a class long term is just torture.  For now, unless we adopt - which we need a home and more income first -, there will never be a Zahena Sylvaina, Zeke Patrick, Bryan Matthias, or Mahala Lillie in our lives...
And for once I can say, I am becoming okay with that... sure, it is a change in plans from what I had for 30+ years, but I am okay with it... as this journey goes along, we will just see where it takes us....

~ Morria

She's Gone?

On March 13th, I lost something... No, someone, very dear to me.  I lost my mother.  I had dwelt with her from 6 months old till I was 24, and spoke with her nearly every day.  Now there is an empty void.  I keep expecting her to call.  I keep expecting to hear her voice on the other end of the phone... but I never will again.  How does one prepare for this?  How can CANCER do this to us?

Yeah, sure, I had nearly 2 years to prepare... from October 2012, till now.  But still all that is left is this throbbing hole where she once was.  I lost my guide for children's ministry stuff, true I am in Dine Bikeyah and she was in Kansas, but I always called her.  I lost my care box maker... which I normally got one box a month, and card every week... I will never see her handwriting in the mail box again... HELP!  I am heart broken... what do I do from here?

~ Morria

Shroud of Mourning

The shroud of mourning has come again to my dwelling for on the eve of last my mother past.  *la sigh* I am now without the woman I have called "mama" , my Merami, for the last 30 years since my adoption at 6 months old.  I am at a loss and feel numb.  Shock, depression, and unsureness... this is what I can put my finger on for feelings.  Numbness for sure.  So thankful for my Robby today.  Who knows what the next months foretell?

~ Morria

Betrayed!

Those who asked us to come out here have stabbed us in the back... no help is coming from them.  The things we were promised are no more.  I am not sure if they did this on purpose, or if they just used us.  I am so hurt.  I work for a year, gave up time with my ill mother, for this?  HELP!   God please help them and help this Gypsy Gal!

~ Morria