Childless...

I am barren.  This means I am childless, and most likely will be for all time (unless God steps in).  This has been a bitter pill to swallow, especially as all my gal friends start their families.  One of the things I have longed for the most in my life, was to be a mother, and to raise little ones of my own. I am overjoyed for them, and wish them and their little ones nothing but joy and blessings.  Yet, has made me face the facts head on, and come to place of peace and acceptance with them...


For a time I thought working with children in the Church would be a balm to my soul, but, alas, it only made the pain worse.  So, I have stepped down from work with children, at least under the age of middle school... It is not that I dont like to be around others children, working with them in a class long term is just torture.  For now, unless we adopt - which we need a home and more income first -, there will never be a Zahena Sylvaina, Zeke Patrick, Bryan Matthias, or Mahala Lillie in our lives...
And for once I can say, I am becoming okay with that... sure, it is a change in plans from what I had for 30+ years, but I am okay with it... as this journey goes along, we will just see where it takes us....

~ Morria

Dancing Again...

 Have you ever stopped doing something, either because you just forgot to do it or because where you lived it became impossible to do?  As time wore on, you vaguely remember the joy and happiness, the release and storytelling it brought to your life, the art and vibrancy it brought to your soul and your home... then one day, you began to look back on your life and wonder, "Where did the dancing go?"   I can even remember why I stopped.  Maybe Merami's clutter took up the dance floor (aka living room).  Maybe I moved away and didnt have a place to for a long time... Or maybe I just forgot how to let go and move to the music.  For what ever reason, stop it did.  And my heart got homesick for it...

Not an more!   Today dance has returned to my home... and I feel so alive... a piece of my soul is whole again.  Why I ever stopped, or if I just planned to rest from an injury or something, I will never know, but now I am go to make room for it in my days again.   I use to dance daily, if not more, and I was alive, vibrant, and me...  I stopped, and art slowly faded from my life...  Maybe as I dance, and my soul awakens... my drawing and other art will return as well...

~ Morria 

In the Shadowlands...

Ministering to the hurting, outcast, misfits, and subcultures, often is a lonely thankless ministry.  Even more so if you are in an area where the views are still stuck back 30 to 50 years in the past, where misunderstandings, miscommunications, and misidentification are common place. It is often tempting to lay aside the calling God has placed on your life, and just try to blend in.  To walk away and try to fit into the mainstream, but that is like walking into a deep foggy forest without a compass...

It takes courage to come back out of that forest, pick up the compass and the Light for your path, and do what is asked of you.  Even if some close to you don't understand why you still walk in the shadowlands, you have to keep going.  It will be like a fire in the bones if you dont.  When one is not on the right path, everything is wrong, and you are miserable.  But when you find that path again, and take up your journey-task with courage, joy creeps back...

So, having learned that the hard way, as I must so many things in life.  My cut up and bruised bare feet, are back on the narrow pathway of my calling.   Am I meant to serve the outcast, broken, and wounded?  Yes!  Am I meant to minister subcultures?  Yes! Am I meant to serve in Dine Bikeyah and the Native Southwest?  Yes! Took me forever to learn that and to learn what that might even look like... Each path is diffrent, and everyones hardship diffrent.  Take heart to walk the path and do the journey take He has set before each of us.  His ways are good, even if they always remain hard.  His comfort sustains, even if enough to just make it one more day, one more step... His light is just enough.

~ Morria

Joy Comes ing the Morning!

Joy comes in the morning!  God has promised it, and it is true. Sometimes it is little small things, sometimes they steal in and surprise us.  But He is good, and even in times of deepest mourning, in fact often more some then... He will give us little joys to carry us through.

~ Morria

Seasons of Change...

"Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my Light..."  As seasons change, and the people we know change, are taken from us, or grow away from us, tis a joy to know Iosa* is always with us.  And winds of change do keep blowing strongly through my life.  Yet that can be a good thing, as it give clarity, focus, and new experiences to the journey of life. I do not as of yet know exactly where this journey will take us for long, but I am so thankful for Iosa's Light as I have gone through my journeys.... not sure where I would be with out it, but not here that is for sure.

"High King of Heaven, my treasure Thou art!"  It can be strange to think about what use to be important.  All the stuff that needlessly clutters our lives. All those small things that take up so much space, but yet mean soo little or nothing at all.  What is a treasure to me?  I only have a few earthly ones:  Robby, my doll - Beth (which I have had since I was 10), our two Navajo Rugs, and all our dear friends and family (most of these people we shall see in heaven, if not all before the end)...
But my greatest treasure is Iosa, I would chose Him above it all, for He is my hope and my salvation!  Without Him nothing else matters!

"Be Thou my soul's shelter!"  A shelter for the soul, a refuge in troubled times, that is what Iosa  is!  More than that, He is the strong tower in which we wage our war against the spiritual darkness from within.  Outside of Him, we fall and are easily slain and devoured by the enemy (Satan), but in Iosa, His Light, and with Him as our Treasure, we can stand strong through it all.  I may not know where the journey is going, but I know with Iosa, we will journey on!

~ Morria


*Iosa is Irish Gaelic for Jesus.

The Road Ahead...

Easy road?  What be it....
Ne'er is my road easy....
Trails and sorrows
Joys and friends.....

Ne'er has been this road easy.
Narrow road! It be mine!

Full of rocks, of sword
Of pain
Yet in the end
A crown be mine
In it's Zion land.
2005 MMH/MMN

Simplicity.....I have hungered for it for years.....studied books.....and all.....and at last I am beginning to take the steps that way.....I realize I have to be at peace inside.....and no longer needing the decorations and stuff around me....to keep my mind at peace......but that peace comes from within and from God....now with that accomplished....I can begin the decluttering of my stuff.....peacefully.....and with joy in my work.

First Things

Sometimes, to stir the coals of the spirit woman, one must go back to the first things, the simple worship and dancing foolishly before His thrown, the morning devotional book, the prayer, and the Bible reading, and not doing because one has to...but from the heart....

Joy comes like the first moonbeams of the summer's eve, and the newly twinkling stars of the night sky...so pure and so sweet.

~ Morria

Balm

Hands of Mercy, Hands of Grace, Flowing down from Thy Divine place. 
Words of Love, Words of Joy, Dancing into my immortal soul.

Look of Peace, Look of Promise, Shining out from Thy Holy face. Soothing balm, Soothing clam, Have now You sent to me

 To fill this my bitter hole. 

© 2004 MMH/MMN

~ Morria

Mortal Prison

Oh, mortal shell that I wear,

trapped within its prison cell.

How long I for the freedom of immortality,

the open flight of Spirit

far beyond this mortal world.

Long have I sought in vain

for this freedom of the Soul.

Long have I sought to find this joy

for my mortal self.

Who shall free those trapped

within the prison of mortality?

Who shall journey this world

filled with dying mortals,

yet walk immortally?

Who shall unlock the chains of sin and doubt,

that bind all within this mortal shell?

A Holy Son, born of mortal woman and Divine Father.

He shall break each chain and bar

 of our prison cell.

For though He walked this mortal world

 and died a mortal death,

 Death its hold could not keep,

Sin its stain would not hold,

For the Divine Father chose to restore

this His immortal Son.

Silver Chalice, in the nail scared hands,

Drink this His immortal blood

and cast aside the shell of mortality.

Yeshua, Holy Son, save us now

 by thy Divine plan.

 2002 - MMH/MMN

~ Morria

Birth of a Ministry

I think I shall begin ministering in the underground, among my fellow subculture folks.  I have started a web-ministry.  I am calling it "The Chalice".  I am so excited and so nervous about this... but my heart is fulling in this.  I am ready to give my life to this, if this be my full journey-task.  Or this may be for a season, but I will give it my all until there is nothing else to give, or God moves me from this path.

Jump

A ledge, the edge, is this the end I fear?

Knowing not what lies beneath or beyond,

shall I take this step and met my rocky fate

or is there a path unseen

waiting for my first step?

Oh, fateful step of faith,

what waits for me at first step?

Life or Death?

Hope or fear?

Joy or pain?

I know not, yet still,

journey this path I must. 

2002 - MMH/MMN

~ Morria

Life...

 What do I make of life?  What are my dreams and goals?  Where do I want to go from here?   These  are the questions that have been swimming around in my head... Not just because I am now 18 (and freaked out on my birthday... unsure where the path after high school goes)... but because I need to start making plans.  High school ends in just months... I am not really sure where to go from here.  My bike will only get me so far, and I have no job, no insurance, and only a dream in my heart.




There has to be a journey-task out there for m me... something God made me to do.  Or maybe it works like this: maybe there is a different journey-task for each season of our lives.  How should I know, but I sure do hope to find out soon!

"Sing the song of the journey today,
Sing the song of the days to come,
Sing the song of adventure before,
Sing the song of hope and joy,
Sing the song of my life!'   ~ MMH/MMN - 2001

~ Morria