I am a Millennial, still in the Church... Now let me share why and what I struggle with....

First of, I am a 32 year old millennial born near the start of my generation.  I grew up half with Gen Xers, half with Millennials.  I am a woman.  I was raised on the Kansas prairie.  And I was a APK (associate pastor's kid).  I was raised in a Pentecostal church, interned at a Lutheran and an Evangelical Free Church, and have been Baptist since I got married, though I have Anglican and Catholic twinges. I am white. I consider myself a Goth, (Desert Gypsy Goth),  and a devoted Believer.  Why do I say all of this?  Because this does effect my views, as it is my story.

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1) Discipleship:  One of the major reasons I stayed with the faith is I was taught the faith and the core traditions not just by one teacher, but by many throughout the years.  But, I say I also sought out a mentor, or two throughout the years, as I believed firmly then as now what Bridget of Kildare stated, "One with out an Anam Cara (soul friend/mentor) wonders about as one without a head."

2:) My faith is personal and deep.  I did not go down the aisle to give my life to Christ, I was not prompted at some big event.  I gave my life to Jesus at the age of 4 1/2 alone in my room in the still of the night (ask me my story).  I felt called to the mission field while sitting be served enchiladas while 3 teens from my church told us grade schoolers about their resent trip to Mexico when I was just 7.   After a time of struggle, I chose to be baptized when I was 21.  Even after the untimely lose of my mother last year (and yes I did struggle for a bit), my faith got me through... 

3) Prayer is a Bedrock in my Life:  I started having daily prayer times when I was 13.  By 15, I often prayed "covered".  I have a prayer closet.  I seek to know my friends prayer request and really do take them to the Lord in prayer until such time as I know they are answered, thanks to my prayer journal.

4) I love Sacraments of the Faith - Baptism and Communion... I love to see my fellow believers take their stand of faith, and I love the sweet Communion with the Lord, His body and blood broken and shed for us.  It saddens me greatly, when I dont see these happening in a church.

5) I am Engaged, but I think Outside the Box:  I am a missionary, but I dont serve overseas.  I work with the underreached, unreached, and often ignored groups of Native America and the Subcultures.  I follow the key teachings of the faith, but how I engage the lost might just look different what your use to, at least in state side ministry ... (ask me more...if you wish).  And I have had mentors who have encouraged and walked beside me in this, realizing I dont march to the beat of the same drum...

6) Reverence for God's Word - The Bible:  I honestly love the Bible, with all its imperfect people, so in need of a Savior.  Yes, I have read it cover to cover a few times.  Yes I know there are alot of bad things that happened.  But I also see how God redeemed people out of that, as bad as things were, how much more can He from my own troubles and trails....  And YES I do believe it is Holy God's Written Word (literal translation of Diyin God Bizzad  aka Bible in  Navajo).

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Now, let me share some things that might surprise you. 

1) I hunger for deep teaching in church, I understand the need to reach the lost, but also what about those of us who need meat?  Discipleship/Mentoring, please, I beg of you... and just because I am a missionary, dont think I wouldnt love a woman of the faith to honestly walk beside me and to talk to and ask questions especially about being a christian wife... I am motherless, I dont have this guidence in my life.

2) If you are going to tell a story or share facts, do your research. Nothing turns listening ears off faster than Pastors and Teachers who get their basic history and Bible story facts wrong.  If you get that wrong, what else are you getting wrong???  If you make a mistake, and realize it, please be honest and if you can correct yourself.  It shows humility and honestly, and personally regains my attention and trust.

3) Dont be surprised when I know alot about Church history, some Greek and Hebrew, and might be able to point to places where assumptions have been made, not fact.  I want honesty when something is not known... not assumptions made.  I try to do the same thing....

4) Dont set me on the side lines, even if at first I have to clean bath rooms, also be teaching me and finding out my callings.  Help me get engaged in reaching the lost, the poor, the widows, reaching the world, and if I know of needs not being address please list (like the Apostles did when they learned of the Hellenist/Greek Widows not being cared for - 

5) I adore the hymns.  I adore some of the contemporary stuff.  I love to discover old songs of the faith not sung in years, and those like Be Thou My Vision which date back nearly 1500 years!  But I also like to experiment with style, and I even have some songs memorized.  That is I can sing them without the music sheet or hymnal, and without insterments too.  I also love the old church chants and high church music.  Please be open to using old and new....

6) Communion, Baptism, Reverence for the Word: These are important to me, VERY important.  I shutter when a church does not have Communion at least once a month, and feel deprived of a vital part of my faith. 

7) Community: Genuine community building, being honest friends, staying connected even when one is far away...after all this is the age of technology!  I have better connections with many in the Christian Goth community and those outside of the church, than friends from past churches...even though I try to stay connected.  Why is this?  (I honestly wish to know.)

8) Church Clicks:  Ok, adults.  We harp and harp and harp on our teens and kids not to do this.  Why are we doing it as adults in our churches?  I am so thankful for the churches that are not like this!  As a missionary, who comes back to churches off the field sometimes for a few months to a few years... this can be very hard to deal with.

9) Dont change the Truth to fit me!  Teach me the Truth, so that I might change!  It is sad when I see everyone but the church tightening up on what they believe, while those who have called themselves "little Christs" are not living and loving and holding to the Truth as He did.  Jesus was  and is Authentic.  Do we even know our own Bible, faith and church history enough to be authentic to it - - - especially to what Jesus taught us?

Those are what has kept me in the church... and what I struggle with.  I am just one Millennial, but if we all start speaking up... maybe we can help the church move forward, and at the same time stay strong in the core tenants of the Faith.  I pray that it is so!

~ Morria

Rediscovery...

They say when you get older you know yourself better...  sadly that is not always true.  I think I knew more about who I was and where I was heading at 16 than I did at 21.  I hit the "real world" and thought, "Hey, I was a kid, I thought like one, I can't do any of that as an adult."  Well, I was wrong.
1) I wanted to be a missionary living out in Dine Bikeyah. - VERY Do able! 
2) I wanted to use and teach others to use herbs. - Working towards now!
3) I wanted to live off the land.  - Working towards our own homestead!


Why did I stop working towards those last two?  Because well meaning adults told me to grow up and join the "real world", you can survive and provide doing those.

So now the door swung open...  I can see clearly the path that was hiding just beneath the fog of lies.  I can be the woman God created me to be.  My love of Herbs, of the Natural world, of tending to others, and living off the land... they do have a place in the 21st Century.  I am not just some crazy dreamer.  I am the Desert Gypsy Goth/ Gypsy Goth Gal that I am suppose to be.  This backward look, for forward purpose, has been a true blessing... a journey of rediscovery of the Morria I have always been underneath...

~ Morria

Reawakening...

There is so much about my self that I had forgotten, that I had locked away to never be seen again.  Or so I thought.  When I walked away from the subcultures, I locked away my art, my poetry, my uniqueness for the sake of peace, for the sake of fitting in.  And I was miserable in so doing. Why does one try to fit in to a mold, a box, a cookie cutter that they were not made for? When I have stepped out of that mold, and began to re-embrace the me I discovered nearly 13 years ago, I felt more peace than I have in years.  It was like a door swung open, not only for me, but also for my husband as well.  It is not as though this will be an easy path.  There will be some bumps in the road along the way, especially as we figure out our ministry paths, but at last I will be free to be the woman God made me to be!

~ Morria

Motherless Mother's Day

Mother's Day is here again, and for the first time ever, my dear "Merami" is not here with me.  LOL, for those who knew us well, you know we never did see eye to eye on many issue, but we still had a deep reckless love for eachother.   She was the one who put wings to my dreams, but also taught me to see where the ground was to land, without crashing... Not that I am great about the not crashing part.

She could see all my flaws and still see the strong woman beneath.  She could see the wild, untamed spirit, the recklessness, and the dreamer, and found a way for me to harness them and become both a woman, missionary, and a gypsy.  For years I did not see how she was helping me do it, but know grown and over 30, I see it.  Thusly, this first year without her for Mother's Day is very hard.  So much I wish I could tell her...

While I will always miss her greatly, I will always know the woman I am today is largely in part to her.    Thanks, Merami!

~ Morria

Broken Soul

Sometimes I think myself a lovely thing,
A woman of great beauty,
Yet within me rages a fury,
Deep and untamed
Dark and stained
Bloody life....

White face and darkened eyes,
They do hid this broken soul,
Sparkling eyes they do mask,
Broken dreams
And bitter fears....

Oh who will dry these tears?

© 2005 MMH/MMN

~ Morria

First Things

Sometimes, to stir the coals of the spirit woman, one must go back to the first things, the simple worship and dancing foolishly before His thrown, the morning devotional book, the prayer, and the Bible reading, and not doing because one has to...but from the heart....

Joy comes like the first moonbeams of the summer's eve, and the newly twinkling stars of the night sky...so pure and so sweet.

~ Morria

Trials...

Trials, tribulations, and persecution, ne’er before for the past nine months have I had so many and at the same time! I thought I knew a little about what it meant to be disliked, to be an outcast, to be sorrowful, but in the past nine months my world has turned over. I have lost 5 people (people from my church and in my family) and my dog to death. Of those, Samuel's death hit me the hardest. He had been my teacher, mentor, and friend; in truth, I counted him my "big brother". With his passing I learned to have faith in God no matter how hopeless things looked and to trust in Him even when every thing made no sense.

Then with my work, which I took because it was my dream job, (a nightmare, though I knew it not!), I have faced a boss that has no understanding of this area, of the costumers she “serves”, compassion on her workers. She pays no mind to the health of her employees even when she is told of doctor’s advice. On top of all that, she has turned on the few of us that are different for dressing “too different”, even though we have followed everything that the company has told us to do.

How much I have grown through these testing times. I am not the same person I was a year ago, for in truth then was I a girl and now am I a woman.

~ Morria