Rediscovery...

They say when you get older you know yourself better...  sadly that is not always true.  I think I knew more about who I was and where I was heading at 16 than I did at 21.  I hit the "real world" and thought, "Hey, I was a kid, I thought like one, I can't do any of that as an adult."  Well, I was wrong.
1) I wanted to be a missionary living out in Dine Bikeyah. - VERY Do able! 
2) I wanted to use and teach others to use herbs. - Working towards now!
3) I wanted to live off the land.  - Working towards our own homestead!


Why did I stop working towards those last two?  Because well meaning adults told me to grow up and join the "real world", you can survive and provide doing those.

So now the door swung open...  I can see clearly the path that was hiding just beneath the fog of lies.  I can be the woman God created me to be.  My love of Herbs, of the Natural world, of tending to others, and living off the land... they do have a place in the 21st Century.  I am not just some crazy dreamer.  I am the Desert Gypsy Goth/ Gypsy Goth Gal that I am suppose to be.  This backward look, for forward purpose, has been a true blessing... a journey of rediscovery of the Morria I have always been underneath...

~ Morria

Reflection... 2014

What a year it has been!  Moved from Kentucky to New Mexico, jobs dried up for us, my mother died.  We began to examine the future: I started Natural Health studies, Robby got in to Le Cordon Bleu... thusly we moved to Scottsdale, AZ.  What a whirl wind it has been... and somewhere along the path... I lost my focus on my dreams and goals.   For these last two months... since we started the move...my natural health studies sat idle.

Natural Health to me is so much more than just a hobby, it has been a passion (especially the Herbal side) since I was 13.  Even more I have immersed myself in it after major health issues between my 16-18th years.  As dear Navajo elder put it, "God blessed us with natural cures, they must not be forgotten."  As I rediscover my path, I am seeing more and more just how this gifting and passion may play in... Rob is pursuing his passion via education.  Now I will mine, first by finishing my course, the from there we shall see.

Sometimes we lose sight of the path, not because of fog, or trials, just busyness.  Sometimes fog does roll in and we feel as if we have lost our way.  In times like those, just a day at a time, stepping no farther than we can see His light, we somehow end up discovering as much or more about ourselves than when the path is bright, and the way... but we must never stop looking for His light...  Even when it is very dark, it will still be there, we just have to have our eyes open for it.  Take heart and journey onward!


~ Morria

The Dream...

The following is a reoccuring dream I have had since I was about 16, with details adding on as I have gotten older.  Up until about 2 years ago, it stopped with me jumping off the cliff.   

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 As I close my eyes, I see the trail behind me and the trail before me.  I see parts of both covered in deep misty fog.  Mesas, towering red and mighty, stunning forests, lush and green, and snow covered hills, sparkly and pure, peak out from the fog on the trail behind me.  In the clearing before me, the path comes to the edge of a cliff.  I can either sit on a bench by the edge, or take a leap of faith and walk off the edge.  I sit for a few moments working up courage to peak over the edge.  The deep grey and warm brown cliff gives way far below to the deep blue and foamy white ocean.  Quickly, I step off, "Now or Never", taking no though for my clothing, heave and dark, worn and tattered.

As I float downward, my dark heavy clothing falls of piece by piece, till all that is left is a thin, soft blue, sparkly sundress.  Gracefully I slip into the water and begin swimming as the water calms.  Playing behind me in the water are dolphins.  I swim up to a beach and walk out.  A fire is built on the beach and palm trees are swaying.  Robby is cooking fish he has caught.  I lay down at peace on the beach beside him and the fire, and close my eyes.  (END)

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thoughts anyone?

~ Morria

Who is Morria?

Who is Morria?  That is a question I find myself asking more and more.  As a child I had an ideas of who she would be grown up: strong, brave, a singer, a writer, a well traveled woman.  As a teen, I started carving a path: a dash of goth, a bit of gypsy, an herbalist, a wanderer, a warrior woman, a poet.  As a twenty something, I got lost in a fog: death, sorrow, betrayal, broken heart, shattered dreams, new dreams, and true love.  And now as a thirty something, I am trying to find out just who she is.  But the piece are not so easy to figure out.  Am I just the woman I am day to day?  The woman who works a 10-7 (nightshift), comes home, sleeps, drives her husband to college, and longs for more?  Or am I that herbalist, gypsy goth, writer, that I still envision myself as?  I am not sure, but I sure am going to find out...

~ Morria

In the Shadowlands...

Ministering to the hurting, outcast, misfits, and subcultures, often is a lonely thankless ministry.  Even more so if you are in an area where the views are still stuck back 30 to 50 years in the past, where misunderstandings, miscommunications, and misidentification are common place. It is often tempting to lay aside the calling God has placed on your life, and just try to blend in.  To walk away and try to fit into the mainstream, but that is like walking into a deep foggy forest without a compass...

It takes courage to come back out of that forest, pick up the compass and the Light for your path, and do what is asked of you.  Even if some close to you don't understand why you still walk in the shadowlands, you have to keep going.  It will be like a fire in the bones if you dont.  When one is not on the right path, everything is wrong, and you are miserable.  But when you find that path again, and take up your journey-task with courage, joy creeps back...

So, having learned that the hard way, as I must so many things in life.  My cut up and bruised bare feet, are back on the narrow pathway of my calling.   Am I meant to serve the outcast, broken, and wounded?  Yes!  Am I meant to minister subcultures?  Yes! Am I meant to serve in Dine Bikeyah and the Native Southwest?  Yes! Took me forever to learn that and to learn what that might even look like... Each path is diffrent, and everyones hardship diffrent.  Take heart to walk the path and do the journey take He has set before each of us.  His ways are good, even if they always remain hard.  His comfort sustains, even if enough to just make it one more day, one more step... His light is just enough.

~ Morria

One Day at A Time...

Life, especially of late seems not to come easy for me.  The ground is always full of boulders, thorns, and goat heads.  The path is normally flooded, or covered by fog, or pilled with snow.  Yet each day comes new... whether I bid it come or not.  So I have learned, take each day as it come.   Not that each day will make the journey easier, but at least it is less overwhelming.    So I live, and do what I can that needs to be done, trying to remember everything... and take each small step forward.   Before to long, I am looking back and saying, "Wow, there was a path through there, I just couldn't see it before."  Having done that many, many times, each day I am learning to take in stride, and just keep going.

~ Morria

God, are You there?

Daddy?  God?  Iosa?  Are You still there?   Do You hear me when I pray?  Do You see how shattered I have become?  Do You still guide me through this fog, or have I now wandered into a cave?  Does Your light still shine on my path?  Have I wandered off the path?   I am no longer Yours?  Have You abandon me?  Are You still with me?

Why won't this pain lift from my heart?  Why can I not see beyond the sorrow and the pain?  Betrayal, death, brokenness, loss of trust... two blows at once... more than I could take.  You know me... I have never prayed for life to be easy... I have just prayed for myself to be strong in You, that I might make it through.  Help me keep going... help me keep taking it one day at a time... help me stay strong and not give up.

~ Morria

The Fog...

So how do you explain walking through a thick fog in the middle of the desert spring?  Even more how do you explain when that fog is your life? That's how things have felt since March 13th, when my adopted mother, past from this life to the next.  It is not that I am laying around stuck in sorrow.  Nay, in truth, I am up about and going on with daily life.  Tis just that daily things seem to be coated in a thick fog and the Light to my path is not breaking through very far...

~ Morria