What is going on?

What is really going on?  What in the world am I doing here?  Everything feels so odd... So out of place... So wrong.    If I am suppose to be in the place, how long and why?  Was it to refind myself?  I have done that (I think?).  Was to settle once and for all my heart is in Dine Bikeyah?  I have most diffenently learned that.  Was it for Rob to learn what he need to?  His doing that.   Now what?   How long till I get to return to New Mexico?  How long till we can settle down for good?   Or is there more crazy stuff first?  I am not sure how much longer my heart and soul can wait...

~ Morria

In the Shadowlands...

Ministering to the hurting, outcast, misfits, and subcultures, often is a lonely thankless ministry.  Even more so if you are in an area where the views are still stuck back 30 to 50 years in the past, where misunderstandings, miscommunications, and misidentification are common place. It is often tempting to lay aside the calling God has placed on your life, and just try to blend in.  To walk away and try to fit into the mainstream, but that is like walking into a deep foggy forest without a compass...

It takes courage to come back out of that forest, pick up the compass and the Light for your path, and do what is asked of you.  Even if some close to you don't understand why you still walk in the shadowlands, you have to keep going.  It will be like a fire in the bones if you dont.  When one is not on the right path, everything is wrong, and you are miserable.  But when you find that path again, and take up your journey-task with courage, joy creeps back...

So, having learned that the hard way, as I must so many things in life.  My cut up and bruised bare feet, are back on the narrow pathway of my calling.   Am I meant to serve the outcast, broken, and wounded?  Yes!  Am I meant to minister subcultures?  Yes! Am I meant to serve in Dine Bikeyah and the Native Southwest?  Yes! Took me forever to learn that and to learn what that might even look like... Each path is diffrent, and everyones hardship diffrent.  Take heart to walk the path and do the journey take He has set before each of us.  His ways are good, even if they always remain hard.  His comfort sustains, even if enough to just make it one more day, one more step... His light is just enough.

~ Morria

Finding the Path

It has been a hard year.   Moved back to Dine Bikeyah only to have my heart ripped out and trampled on by those who asked us out here.  Just after that, my Merami (mother) passed away suddenly.   After the memorial, I basically shut down for 2-3 months.  Darkness over took me.  I was lost.  I did not know what path to be on anymore.  Kept going through the motions, knowing that if I kept going forward, I would in time see the light beyond the deep heavy fog that I was in.

Then this month, the light has begun the peak through a bit.  My husband, Robby, and I decided to sit down and watch a TV show he had discovered called "Grimm".  To my surprise, I loved it.   Even more surprising, it awoke in me realization I could turn my passion into a living.  So now I am studying to become a Natural Health Consultant, phase 1 of my 4 part plan: Phase 1: Natural Health Consultant Training; Phase 2: Master Herbalist Training; Phase 3: Doula or Midwife Training; Phase 4: Open Herb, Tea, Spice Shop and Natural Health Consultant Office.   Now my passion for herbs and natural health wont be wasted...

So I must say, while the pathway is still as dark as ever, now a path way is lit before me.  The way is clearer, and my hope stronger.  My faith will carry me on, even if I dont understand why I am going through these things.  So I say again, "To you my Lord, will I cling.  Christ before me, Christ behind me, Christ to my right, and Christ to my left."

~  Morria

She's Gone?

On March 13th, I lost something... No, someone, very dear to me.  I lost my mother.  I had dwelt with her from 6 months old till I was 24, and spoke with her nearly every day.  Now there is an empty void.  I keep expecting her to call.  I keep expecting to hear her voice on the other end of the phone... but I never will again.  How does one prepare for this?  How can CANCER do this to us?

Yeah, sure, I had nearly 2 years to prepare... from October 2012, till now.  But still all that is left is this throbbing hole where she once was.  I lost my guide for children's ministry stuff, true I am in Dine Bikeyah and she was in Kansas, but I always called her.  I lost my care box maker... which I normally got one box a month, and card every week... I will never see her handwriting in the mail box again... HELP!  I am heart broken... what do I do from here?

~ Morria

Storage Unit is NO more!

After 1 1/2 years living back east away from the southwest, with our stuff stored, the storage unit is no more!  That "monster" has been slayed, and now we can finish with last minuet packing and be ready to leave KY to live in Dine Bikeyah on Monday or Tuesday of next week.  So excited!

~ Morria

Broken Christmas Eve...

 Those one trusts can turn on you in a minute...
To night was suppose to be a time of reflection and focusing on Jesus. Tonight we were suppose to have tortilla soup and watch a "Christmas Story". Tonight was suppose to be a time of each opening a gift and just making the best of this Christmas season.  Instead, a "friend" the family had over turned on Robby.

I have never been so scared in my life.  I was called a "witch" yet again... by more than one person.  Yet, I rose above my fears, and with all my might shoved the guy off Robby.  He had his knee to Robby's throat, and if I hadn't have, there would be no Robby to celibate Christmas with this year or ever again... I am shaking so bad.  I cant stop crying off and on.  So close to losing everything...

As it stands, he has bad bruises, broken beyond repair glasses, and a bedroom door that we will sleep with locked until we move in late January/early February back to Dine Bikeyah.  These two gypsies have got to get to a safer place...  I just trust tomorrow can be redeemed and we can still have a wonderful last Christmas in Kentucky... even if Christmas Eve was a broken mess...

~ Morria

How do you deside?

We were offered a chance to move back to Dine Bikeyah... to live among the people we love.  Not sure about the pastor or the church, but it is a chance to return to our beloved Dine Bikeyah.  How does one decide?  How does one know for sure what lays before them?  So much to think, so much to figure out.  One thing remains for sure.  These  Gypsies have got to get "home"...

~ Morria

Road "Home"?

Just where is home anymore?  Is it out in Dine Bikeyah?  Is it back there in Kentucky?  Is it somewhere else that God has not shown us yet?  So many questions, so many thoughts.  And still not answer for the long road ahead.
Our "little brother" and his passing has made us think harder about so many things.  We dont really know what the path before us holds, but we know we need to, for now, get back out here to Dine Bikeyah, and get here fast.

Yet, here we sit, Robby and I, at the motel in Sallisaw, OK, on our way back to Keavy, KY.  The trip is nearly over, and we will be back to life "as normal"... if there really is such a thing for gypsies like us.  I trust the days and months a head help us figure more stuff out, but for now, this gypsy gal has to get back to Keavy, so she can wash clothing, and get ready for her bus trip to Wichita, KS to see her dying mom...
But first, a good long nights rest and another day on the road.

~ Morria

Ats'inna and a Goal

Ats'inna Ruins...
Not many people have heard of these Anasazi/Zuni Ruins that are up top El Morro's Inscription Rock.  It is a beautiful hike, just be sure to carry plenty of water in a good backpack.  Robby and I took 2 hours reading the inscriptions, then started the hike up.  Twice because of my bad leg and my fear of heights, I wanted to quit, but once we were at the ruins, so worth it all.  Just seeing what they saw, and imagining what it was like when they lived up here.  WOW.

The reason we came back to New Mexico for the this week due to the loss of our young friend might have been a sad one, but it was so good to our souls to be out on the open road again.  It has stealed our resolve to get back to what we need to be doing... living out here.  How and when I am not sure, but we have not poured the year 2010, 2011, and 2012 out for nothing, and we have not spent most of 2013 working to get back out here, while helping tend to both Robby's mom as well as dealing with my mom's cancer, to just give up now.  No if anything, our young friend's untimely death has shown us all the more why we have to be out here.  How and what that looks like I dont know, but we must return.

~ Morria

A Goal: Holiday Work

Snow hath come this Christmastide as of yesterday.  At last, we have good white snow.  The city looks so white and pure, thought that most likely will not last long.  Even my bike, "Meg", loves this... though I dont dare taker her out on the streets in this weather.  It looks as if tis finally time to rest her for the winter.  Until we meet again in the spring, dear "Meg".  I am sure the bike shop will care for you well.

As everyone left for Thanksgiving, and is now preparing to leave for Christmas, Robby and I are being able to pick up a bunch of extra paid work.   And that is a good thing, as in January we are journeying to Dine Bikeyah for about a week.  Other than Aaron, Skot and Rachel, and a few other families, we are not close to many anywhere...  And our Christmas was spent with Rob's family over Thanksgiving...

I love how they have made the L and other lines all festive.  In this busy bustling city, it is nice to have some good will and spirit of cheer.  I just pray that everyone, whether traveling home, journeying through the city, or snug as a bug with their computer and a cup of Zhena's Fireside Chai Tea, never forgets the Babe born on Christmas morn.  We ought not celebrate Him one morn, but all 365 days of the year.  Let us not blot out the lesson we have learned on the journeys way, and share His love all the more with those about us.

~ Morria

Reflections on Chicago...

Here I am age 25, having just gotten done with my first summer working in Dine Bikeyah at BABR...  Now I am in a city far different from the Pinon Pine and Sage Brush covered desert which I am in love with.  Here I can hear the lone coyote howling his lonely watches through the night in the near by graveyard where he lives.   Here I can here the ambulance bring the injured the the hospital 3 blocks away all hours of the night from my 5th story window.  Here I can feel the breeze from the water of lake Michigan 8 blocks away. 

Yet my heart had no peace.   I am as always a wander in a strange land, far from the place I call home....We know we just have no peace in the city and have to follow our callings...  By the time our 14 months living in Chicagoland will be up, we will be restless and trapped by the buildings....already are just 4 months in.  Still I love the city... but forever it seems the open road is calling...

~ Morria

"Bardic Circle"

Today our friends the Grover's hosted a "Bardic Circle".  This weeks theme was Native Drum Circle, Aaron was there for it of course, as were many of our other gypsy, goth, subculture, traveler, and nomadic friends.  As we began to share music, songs, and stories, my heart began to cry.  What are we doing here?  Our hearts for helping other people, maybe living in Dine Bikeyah, but not in the city here.  It hurt to much, but now I realize I cannot put the open road and ministering to fellow outcasts out of my mind or heart.  Tis in there just too deep.

What now?  I dont know what this means for the future... I dont know what roads this means we will go down.  But I do know that it means Chicago is not the end point, but just a stop on the trail...

We are here in Chicago for until at least next August or September, and after that I have even less clue where we shall journey.  God, You have to be in this, because I have no clue what You are up to here...

~ Morria

Graduation!

OK, so today it is official.  I am graduated from High School!  Bev, my best friend, Deidrea, my sister-cousin, Kegan, my cousin, and alot of others came to my after graduation party.  After today, I am only 10% away from going  to New Orleans end of July!  But mostly it was a fitting finish to a closing of a chapter forever... no longer am I a home schooler, now I am a home school graduate.  Who knows what the next days and months hold....

Goals for Morria's Life

• Travel to ALL 50 states!
• See as much of the World outside the USA as possible. 
• Get Married.
• Find my journey-task or journey-tasks.
• Have and keep 5 close friends.
• Be a missionary some where for longer than two months?
• Graduate College somewhere.
• Learn to Drive a Car.
• Swim acrossed a lake.
• Swim in the Ocean, if possible all 7 Seas...
• Go to Estes Park, CO.
• Explore New Orleans more than once!
• Explore Chicago.
• Explore Phoenix.
• Explore Seattle, Portland, and Coos Bay!
• Journey Back to Dine Bikeyah (at least 1 time.)
• Explore Ireland!
• Live a life of Love, Faith, and Kindness...
• Be someones gypsy gal... maybe even their gypsy queen!
• Live in such a way, that when I pass... many lives will have been forever change... even if I never know how I touched their hearts...

~ Morria