I am a Millennial, still in the Church... Now let me share why and what I struggle with....

First of, I am a 32 year old millennial born near the start of my generation.  I grew up half with Gen Xers, half with Millennials.  I am a woman.  I was raised on the Kansas prairie.  And I was a APK (associate pastor's kid).  I was raised in a Pentecostal church, interned at a Lutheran and an Evangelical Free Church, and have been Baptist since I got married, though I have Anglican and Catholic twinges. I am white. I consider myself a Goth, (Desert Gypsy Goth),  and a devoted Believer.  Why do I say all of this?  Because this does effect my views, as it is my story.

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1) Discipleship:  One of the major reasons I stayed with the faith is I was taught the faith and the core traditions not just by one teacher, but by many throughout the years.  But, I say I also sought out a mentor, or two throughout the years, as I believed firmly then as now what Bridget of Kildare stated, "One with out an Anam Cara (soul friend/mentor) wonders about as one without a head."

2:) My faith is personal and deep.  I did not go down the aisle to give my life to Christ, I was not prompted at some big event.  I gave my life to Jesus at the age of 4 1/2 alone in my room in the still of the night (ask me my story).  I felt called to the mission field while sitting be served enchiladas while 3 teens from my church told us grade schoolers about their resent trip to Mexico when I was just 7.   After a time of struggle, I chose to be baptized when I was 21.  Even after the untimely lose of my mother last year (and yes I did struggle for a bit), my faith got me through... 

3) Prayer is a Bedrock in my Life:  I started having daily prayer times when I was 13.  By 15, I often prayed "covered".  I have a prayer closet.  I seek to know my friends prayer request and really do take them to the Lord in prayer until such time as I know they are answered, thanks to my prayer journal.

4) I love Sacraments of the Faith - Baptism and Communion... I love to see my fellow believers take their stand of faith, and I love the sweet Communion with the Lord, His body and blood broken and shed for us.  It saddens me greatly, when I dont see these happening in a church.

5) I am Engaged, but I think Outside the Box:  I am a missionary, but I dont serve overseas.  I work with the underreached, unreached, and often ignored groups of Native America and the Subcultures.  I follow the key teachings of the faith, but how I engage the lost might just look different what your use to, at least in state side ministry ... (ask me more...if you wish).  And I have had mentors who have encouraged and walked beside me in this, realizing I dont march to the beat of the same drum...

6) Reverence for God's Word - The Bible:  I honestly love the Bible, with all its imperfect people, so in need of a Savior.  Yes, I have read it cover to cover a few times.  Yes I know there are alot of bad things that happened.  But I also see how God redeemed people out of that, as bad as things were, how much more can He from my own troubles and trails....  And YES I do believe it is Holy God's Written Word (literal translation of Diyin God Bizzad  aka Bible in  Navajo).

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Now, let me share some things that might surprise you. 

1) I hunger for deep teaching in church, I understand the need to reach the lost, but also what about those of us who need meat?  Discipleship/Mentoring, please, I beg of you... and just because I am a missionary, dont think I wouldnt love a woman of the faith to honestly walk beside me and to talk to and ask questions especially about being a christian wife... I am motherless, I dont have this guidence in my life.

2) If you are going to tell a story or share facts, do your research. Nothing turns listening ears off faster than Pastors and Teachers who get their basic history and Bible story facts wrong.  If you get that wrong, what else are you getting wrong???  If you make a mistake, and realize it, please be honest and if you can correct yourself.  It shows humility and honestly, and personally regains my attention and trust.

3) Dont be surprised when I know alot about Church history, some Greek and Hebrew, and might be able to point to places where assumptions have been made, not fact.  I want honesty when something is not known... not assumptions made.  I try to do the same thing....

4) Dont set me on the side lines, even if at first I have to clean bath rooms, also be teaching me and finding out my callings.  Help me get engaged in reaching the lost, the poor, the widows, reaching the world, and if I know of needs not being address please list (like the Apostles did when they learned of the Hellenist/Greek Widows not being cared for - 

5) I adore the hymns.  I adore some of the contemporary stuff.  I love to discover old songs of the faith not sung in years, and those like Be Thou My Vision which date back nearly 1500 years!  But I also like to experiment with style, and I even have some songs memorized.  That is I can sing them without the music sheet or hymnal, and without insterments too.  I also love the old church chants and high church music.  Please be open to using old and new....

6) Communion, Baptism, Reverence for the Word: These are important to me, VERY important.  I shutter when a church does not have Communion at least once a month, and feel deprived of a vital part of my faith. 

7) Community: Genuine community building, being honest friends, staying connected even when one is far away...after all this is the age of technology!  I have better connections with many in the Christian Goth community and those outside of the church, than friends from past churches...even though I try to stay connected.  Why is this?  (I honestly wish to know.)

8) Church Clicks:  Ok, adults.  We harp and harp and harp on our teens and kids not to do this.  Why are we doing it as adults in our churches?  I am so thankful for the churches that are not like this!  As a missionary, who comes back to churches off the field sometimes for a few months to a few years... this can be very hard to deal with.

9) Dont change the Truth to fit me!  Teach me the Truth, so that I might change!  It is sad when I see everyone but the church tightening up on what they believe, while those who have called themselves "little Christs" are not living and loving and holding to the Truth as He did.  Jesus was  and is Authentic.  Do we even know our own Bible, faith and church history enough to be authentic to it - - - especially to what Jesus taught us?

Those are what has kept me in the church... and what I struggle with.  I am just one Millennial, but if we all start speaking up... maybe we can help the church move forward, and at the same time stay strong in the core tenants of the Faith.  I pray that it is so!

~ Morria

She's Gone?

On March 13th, I lost something... No, someone, very dear to me.  I lost my mother.  I had dwelt with her from 6 months old till I was 24, and spoke with her nearly every day.  Now there is an empty void.  I keep expecting her to call.  I keep expecting to hear her voice on the other end of the phone... but I never will again.  How does one prepare for this?  How can CANCER do this to us?

Yeah, sure, I had nearly 2 years to prepare... from October 2012, till now.  But still all that is left is this throbbing hole where she once was.  I lost my guide for children's ministry stuff, true I am in Dine Bikeyah and she was in Kansas, but I always called her.  I lost my care box maker... which I normally got one box a month, and card every week... I will never see her handwriting in the mail box again... HELP!  I am heart broken... what do I do from here?

~ Morria

Cold Car...

Brr...brrr...brr... I havent been this cold since we left Didean after the ice storm.  I am not sure if I will ever get warm again.  Let's just put it this way.  These gypsies need to find hotels that take cash, or at least a debit card...because sleeping in a car with frost in Indiana just isnt cutting it.  No place we stopped at in Louisville will take cash or debt.   And we havent seen anymore place to try yet... by next time I make this drive I will find at LEAST one that takes cash...sleeping bags, blankets and car seats just dont cut it...not with our back seat and trunk full of what little we still own...

So here I am sitting in an Indiana rest stop trying to warm up for a bit, before taking a nap for about an hour, so we can press on to the next rest stop for another hour. At least someone has free wifi near by...   Then we will drive on to mom and dads, and crash for a night and a day, before helping Dad get stuff together for Merami's surgery.

~ Morria

On the road again...

Merami is having surgery come next week... Robby and I are heading out to go to Kansas to be with her, and then since we are closer maybe go to Colorado for around our 5th Wedding Anniversary.  It's also that our "landlady" told us to get out...  I dont know if it is the medicines for "her" back and neck surgery playing with her or not, but supposedly Robby and I are disowned yet again, and were asked not to return except to get our stuff.  If it is like before, give it a few weeks to a month, and she will forget that she told us that... still, it kills me inside to be called a witch who is poisoning Robby's mind... I have enough stress as is with my Merami most likely in her last stand, fighting against cancer...  So thankful our church Immanuel rescued us tonight with a hotel room...

"Please, Lord, have mercy on us!  Give us grace as we go... "

~ Morria

New Digs...

 Well, we have made it safely to Kansas after our grand adventure.  Tsalagi, the truck, has served us well!  We made it to my god mother, Donna's, for Thanksgiving... then traveled on to Kansas the next day.  We had a full truck bed.  Everything of value that we owned was in that truck, from my guitar, Truth, to my Victorian Wardrobe, to the mini Navajo rug, from Mo.  Kentucky to Kansas is along drive, but my dad was nice enough to call for a motel just out side of St. Louis for us.

Our new place is an apartment in the back of a church in their basement that they use for charity or special cases.   So as this is an emergency, and no one was using it, they gave it to us.  Sure, it has one small window, red carpet, a bed on pallets on floor... but it is our's for at least 6 months while we get on our feet.  A few room dividers, a coffee table and floor chairs, and I am sure I can make this place feel like home in no time.  A place to think and refocus after this great trauma has be fallen us.
Now, this gypsy goth gal needs to crash into bed and sleep sound for the first time in ages!

~ Morria

Disowned ?!?

I dont know where this came from... here we are staying with some family, and there is a big old fight.  I step in and defend verbally my husband.  That turns on me... Now I am a witch, who poisoned Robby's mind, tricked him into planning to go to the Navajo (He has been going summers since 1995, I have only known him since 2004?), and I am doing dark magic.  Umm... NO!  Not only that, my Grandmother and my Mother must be witches too!  No, it is not true.    Robby stepped in and defended me after they had turned on me.  He demanded an apology, as they had not only disrespected his wife, but also a pastor's wife (my mom), and a talented RN who was no longer living to defend herself (my grandma).

That backfired.  Instead of them apologies, we were given 24 hrs to get all our stuff we wanted out of the house, and we were told that from that point on we are totally disowned.  At least we have my truck, Tsalagi, and my family still.  I hate leaving Immanuel Baptist Church, but good bye Kentucky.  Tis not safe for us here.  Maybe when things calm down we will be back.  Dine Bikeyah is still calling, and Kansas is half way there.  Onward... and back to the Gypsy Road it seems... and just when I was getting a wee bit settled in too... *La sigh!*  God help us!

~ Morria

Springtime and a Passing...

Spring here in Tennessee is strange to me.  After 23 springs in Kansas, and one in Michigan, spending one in Tennessee is a change.  Easter has come and gone, with a cool, cloudy day Easter Egg hunt with the nieces and great-nephew (I married into be a great aunt, his mom is my age--- literally 3 days younger than me!)  Work is going well, though it is hard to convince our families that neither Rob nor I want fancy cars, homes, or stuff... travel  and ministry come first to us.  Though a few gypsy lamps and pirate chests are a great addition to our one room.  ^_^

April has brought the passing of Robby's grandma, Sylvania, which means neither of us have living grandparents.  I so wished I could have known her more, but she was to frail by the time I joined the family to talk much.  Robby says she would have loved me, I know the one time I got to braid her hair she fell asleep, a sign of deep trust. I wish I could have learned more from her, Robby says she had so much to share.  Where ever we head, I know her memory will travel with us.

~ Morria

Fort Wayne, IN

Well, I am at Aunt Nel's for a while... then heading to Kansas...till I get money and license...then may haps back to Michigan.  So bad stuff happened, and I got drug into the middle of it.  All I can say, is pray for my little bro, Matt.  He is so lost right now…

It is time to let God start making a path for my life.  I must look into more schooling... and where to get the money for it.   I am praying to get to go back to Michigan... at least until I have money and some training.   Who knows... one plan changes and God opens another door. Life is so strange... but worth living.   At least GOD brings great good out of great darkness as only HE can.  I love begin a gypsy goth gal, but this road is so not easy!

On the bright side, spent yesterday with my Aunt Nel and 2nd cousins Ashley and Liz.   Got a beautiful black dress for prom alternative and stuff to go with it.  Still need gloves, a purse, and shoes, but those will come with time.

~ Morria

Leaving Kansas…

1 day left in Kansas... I am both loving the thought of leaving... and yet it is so bittersweet to leave behind all my friends.   Well, I will be back to visit.

I saw my cousin, Lynn, yesterday at the mall.  We hung out for an hour... it was fun to see her face while we were in some of the stores: we have such different tastes.   I got a journal for all my must private thoughts... one with a lock so no one, like my little "brother", can read them.

Mom is throwing me a going away party at my church.   I kinda like the idea... but it is just so hard to say goodbye... or even if I will see you later or in heaven, if not before.  *La sigh*  Well, life must go on... as must I.

A gypsy goth gal am I, and this is the price of such a life...

~ Morria

Interning in Michigan!

I am now doing an internship  at a church here in Michigan. Work as an intern is starting slow... but I am enjoying it.   I will be back in Kansas for the holidays as of the 16th, then come back home to Michigan on the 5th. This is going to be a very, very good testing ground for me.   I just pray I do not fail the tests.

"The gypsy road, the gypsy road, what a life for me!" ~ Gypsy Gal

~ Morria

The Gypsy Goth Gal

PEACE....
now that is a word that use to be so easy for me to explain.  Life was good.  I knew where I belonged in those days.  Well, at least in terms of at my church.... took me years to find out I belonged reaching out the the youth.

UNREST...
O, my soul is restless!
I know it now.  I have the restless, wandering spirit of the Irish missionaries and gypsies of old.  I knew by now I would be preparing to leave home.  I knew it when I was 16.  I wish I had listened to myself better.  LOL! Oh to wander the open lands, going where He sends me!

PAINED...
The Sorrow and Loss of the past year, the Year of Sorrow, have left it's bitter scars.  Death, losses, unwise choices, bitter wounds, and lessons learned. I may not be strong yet, but I am stronger from these trials.  I am not praying for this life to be easy, just for the strength to make it.

ACTION...
With this all summed up, I am starting to really prepare and pack today.  My goal? That I might be able to give up  all that which is no longer needed or useful for the journey.  My time in Kansas is over... No matter how much longer I physically stay, I will live as if I am a visitor, a gypsy goth on the way to their next stop.

Father to You this Life, I commit!

~ Morria