Ashes to Ashes?

April 12th marks the 1 year mark for my Merami's memorial... and the end of my year of mourning, though I know I will still have to deal with her being gone from now till I myself die.  I think the thing I found the hardest is the fact that she was cremated.  I am not even going to touch the pros-cons or religious views of this, but I am dealing with a real issue.  I have no place to go to say good-byes.  No headstone, no grave... Yeah, sure her ashes are up on the mantle at Dad's place, by her picture (same one pictured here from the memorial)... but that is just not the same.

I am not against cremation, but I personal know when my Dad has passed (he has in his will to be cremated too), I am taking his and mom's ashes and burying them in a grave plot, placing a head stone, and having a place to visit, place flowers, and it be final.   Just like this gypsy gal is looking for her Travelers Rendezvous/permanent home till heaven... so do they need a final resting place.  I just hope I can live some where 29 plus years, as my parents did, and  my Dad still does...

~ Morria

Travel and Me... and a Home!

Most people think I like to travel just because I call myself a gypsy.  While it is true that I adore the feeling of traveling down the open road, there is something I love and long for even more...A place to put down roots and call "HOME" for long term.  And that is Robby and my goal.  As soon as the lease here in Scottsdale expires... we are heading out one last time... and going to give every effort in our being to settle down in along term home.  Home sweet home...and a place I can wander out from...and always know is waiting for me to come back...that is what I dream of, long for, and greatly desire in life...

~ Morria

Gypsy Soul

Gypsy soul, fettered down by world's cares,

Gypsy soul, battered & broken by pain,

Gypsy soul, tattered & seeking rest.

How long is this road before us?

How long till this path divides?

How long shall this trail be?

This Gypsy longs for a place of rest,

This Gypsy longs for a home to settle,

This Gypsy longs for His peace to remain.

© 2015 MMN

~ Morria

Childless...

I am barren.  This means I am childless, and most likely will be for all time (unless God steps in).  This has been a bitter pill to swallow, especially as all my gal friends start their families.  One of the things I have longed for the most in my life, was to be a mother, and to raise little ones of my own. I am overjoyed for them, and wish them and their little ones nothing but joy and blessings.  Yet, has made me face the facts head on, and come to place of peace and acceptance with them...


For a time I thought working with children in the Church would be a balm to my soul, but, alas, it only made the pain worse.  So, I have stepped down from work with children, at least under the age of middle school... It is not that I dont like to be around others children, working with them in a class long term is just torture.  For now, unless we adopt - which we need a home and more income first -, there will never be a Zahena Sylvaina, Zeke Patrick, Bryan Matthias, or Mahala Lillie in our lives...
And for once I can say, I am becoming okay with that... sure, it is a change in plans from what I had for 30+ years, but I am okay with it... as this journey goes along, we will just see where it takes us....

~ Morria

Dancing Again...

 Have you ever stopped doing something, either because you just forgot to do it or because where you lived it became impossible to do?  As time wore on, you vaguely remember the joy and happiness, the release and storytelling it brought to your life, the art and vibrancy it brought to your soul and your home... then one day, you began to look back on your life and wonder, "Where did the dancing go?"   I can even remember why I stopped.  Maybe Merami's clutter took up the dance floor (aka living room).  Maybe I moved away and didnt have a place to for a long time... Or maybe I just forgot how to let go and move to the music.  For what ever reason, stop it did.  And my heart got homesick for it...

Not an more!   Today dance has returned to my home... and I feel so alive... a piece of my soul is whole again.  Why I ever stopped, or if I just planned to rest from an injury or something, I will never know, but now I am go to make room for it in my days again.   I use to dance daily, if not more, and I was alive, vibrant, and me...  I stopped, and art slowly faded from my life...  Maybe as I dance, and my soul awakens... my drawing and other art will return as well...

~ Morria 

How do you deside?

We were offered a chance to move back to Dine Bikeyah... to live among the people we love.  Not sure about the pastor or the church, but it is a chance to return to our beloved Dine Bikeyah.  How does one decide?  How does one know for sure what lays before them?  So much to think, so much to figure out.  One thing remains for sure.  These  Gypsies have got to get "home"...

~ Morria

Road "Home"?

Just where is home anymore?  Is it out in Dine Bikeyah?  Is it back there in Kentucky?  Is it somewhere else that God has not shown us yet?  So many questions, so many thoughts.  And still not answer for the long road ahead.
Our "little brother" and his passing has made us think harder about so many things.  We dont really know what the path before us holds, but we know we need to, for now, get back out here to Dine Bikeyah, and get here fast.

Yet, here we sit, Robby and I, at the motel in Sallisaw, OK, on our way back to Keavy, KY.  The trip is nearly over, and we will be back to life "as normal"... if there really is such a thing for gypsies like us.  I trust the days and months a head help us figure more stuff out, but for now, this gypsy gal has to get back to Keavy, so she can wash clothing, and get ready for her bus trip to Wichita, KS to see her dying mom...
But first, a good long nights rest and another day on the road.

~ Morria

Battle of Camp Wildcat

 150 years ago today, there was a Battle here at Wildcat Mountain  and the Confederates were camped here at Camp Wildcat.   This ground on which which we are standing, and especially the tree covered mountain and wilderness road behind us are hallowed grounds.  Men fought and died here.  Men died in the military hospital at this very campsite.  Who died for the ideals they believed in.  And who gave us that strong back bone, that right now is all the keeps us afloat.

Today, reenactors are gathered to represent a portion of the battle and remember those who have gone before us, and died to make and keep this land free.  Yes, Robby and I spent most of Saturday and Sunday at the "Battle of Camp Wildcat" Civil War Reenactment.  It was so much a feeling of home to me.  LOL, yes, I use to reenact at Cowtown all the time as a teen, and prior to that would dress the part every museum and living history site I went to.


If I were to say anything to you, my readers, my fellow traveller, gypsy goth, and gypsy friends, and those who read around the world, see if there is any sort of historical reenactment in your area, whether you take part or just watch, tis an experience of a lifetime for all who go.  ^_^  And charish ever minute you have with those you love... as life is fleeting.

~ Morria

Such a Life...

When one is a Gypsy Gal, life is always an adventure.  Even if you are staying in the same state, you never know where you will be from one day to the next.   Tis a trip to not know what bed or sofa you will sleep on from night to night.  True, I have my bed at home to sleep in, but work as a caregiver takes me from house to house to care for others, and if they sleep I may as well.  ^_^   More soon to come including on my new wheels, "Stormy", the 2002 Dodge Neon.

~ Morria

Reflections on Chicago...

Here I am age 25, having just gotten done with my first summer working in Dine Bikeyah at BABR...  Now I am in a city far different from the Pinon Pine and Sage Brush covered desert which I am in love with.  Here I can hear the lone coyote howling his lonely watches through the night in the near by graveyard where he lives.   Here I can here the ambulance bring the injured the the hospital 3 blocks away all hours of the night from my 5th story window.  Here I can feel the breeze from the water of lake Michigan 8 blocks away. 

Yet my heart had no peace.   I am as always a wander in a strange land, far from the place I call home....We know we just have no peace in the city and have to follow our callings...  By the time our 14 months living in Chicagoland will be up, we will be restless and trapped by the buildings....already are just 4 months in.  Still I love the city... but forever it seems the open road is calling...

~ Morria

Good-Bye To Summer and BABR!

So, summer is over... I hate to see it gone.  Our bags are packed.  Tomorrow we get on the bus to head back to Knoxville, and from there a big question mark.  We dont know what is in store after summer.  This summer has had such purpose, such focus.  Our life after BABR is nothing but a question mark.  Not that I have minded... living each day focusing on the campers that has been awesome.  Now though, it is back to the "real" world so to speak.

In the morning we get on the bus to start our over 36 hr (not counting layovers) trip home.  Or at least, that was how long the trip here took... After staying put most of 2 months, it is going to be good to stretch these wings and start moving again.  Wonder where the road will take us next?

~ Morria

To Robby...

My love, my prince, at last you have found me.
So long have I waited alone in this land,
So long have I wished for one to know,
So long have I dreamed of one to hold,
So long have danced alone, through the starry skies.

Then in the silvery moonlight, your face do I see,
As your hand take hold of mine,
As our hearts do join in one beat,
As our souls take flight,
As our lives fly through the shadowlands.

This now is my home, your arms my shelter safe,
For together we journey on,
For together we sing loves song,
For together we are one,
And together we do serve the Son.

© 2007 MMH/MMN

~ Morria

Meet Bella, my Cat!

Bella joined the family of gypsies at Didean today... she is a black 1/2 Persian cat, and is small enough to ride in Robby's fedora hat which I have now "stolen".  We had been seeing Bella and her siblings for a while, when we walk to the low income family diner.  Today, they were old enough to take one home!  What a purrfect Adoption Day gift Robby has gotten me.  Soon she will have a collar and her shots, and all will be well for her.  I am so happy!  At last I have my black cat!

~ Morria

Wandering Soul

For a friend....

Wandering soul with no name of your own.
Wandering soul so all alone.
You wander to and fro
with no home of your own.

Wandering soul, seek you companions?
Wandering soul, seek ye friends?
Wandering soul, seek ye a name of your own?

Wandering soul, seek ye the new road.
Wandering soul, seek ye the heavenly way.
Wandering soul, open thine heart and thy soul
for many do love thee.

© 2004 MMH/MMN

~ Morria

Broken Soul...

Broken soul, no place of her own,
Broken soul, no love to call her home,
Broken soul, no wings to fly on,
Broken soul, no tears left to cry,
Broken soul, no will left to live,
Broken soul, no strength to die,
Broken soul, no place of her own.

© 2004 MMH/MMN

~ Morria

Journey to Michigan

For the first time in ages I can say life is truly good.   Everyone up here is soo accepting of people like me... mostly because there are soo many around here.  lol.

Oh yeah,  I am in Leslie MI.... not sure for how long... that kinda depends.... on a lot... but if the the
peace I have inside is true.... this will be home for a while.

For the first time since the year of sorrow.... everything in life just fits together... here I am totally honest and myself... I took a long walk last night before I had to get back to get some sleep for... and contemplated on deep things of the faith...  tis sooo crazy...I find myself returning to the things of the faith that I thought were totally dead to me.... hmmm.... strange... could it be that God brought me here now for this very season....

~ Morria

Where is Home?

I am home yet not.  Strange how one can live house for almost 18 years, and in a short time though still you dwell there in, it is no longer home.  I love my room, but I know soon this ne're again will be my home.

How I long for the open road... a journey... an adventure.  Even a short bike ride would be a blessing right now.  To feel the wind in my hair, and see the cares of the day slip away from me... to have that freedom... if even for a few moments... blissfulness!

~ Morria