God, are You there?

Daddy?  God?  Iosa?  Are You still there?   Do You hear me when I pray?  Do You see how shattered I have become?  Do You still guide me through this fog, or have I now wandered into a cave?  Does Your light still shine on my path?  Have I wandered off the path?   I am no longer Yours?  Have You abandon me?  Are You still with me?

Why won't this pain lift from my heart?  Why can I not see beyond the sorrow and the pain?  Betrayal, death, brokenness, loss of trust... two blows at once... more than I could take.  You know me... I have never prayed for life to be easy... I have just prayed for myself to be strong in You, that I might make it through.  Help me keep going... help me keep taking it one day at a time... help me stay strong and not give up.

~ Morria

The Fog...

So how do you explain walking through a thick fog in the middle of the desert spring?  Even more how do you explain when that fog is your life? That's how things have felt since March 13th, when my adopted mother, past from this life to the next.  It is not that I am laying around stuck in sorrow.  Nay, in truth, I am up about and going on with daily life.  Tis just that daily things seem to be coated in a thick fog and the Light to my path is not breaking through very far...

~ Morria

Songs of Sorrow...

Sorrow has come to our dwellings...

A young man close to our family was killed in a horrid accident.

He was like a shadow to my husband.

A young man of a great mind.

He shall be greatly missed.

So young, for his flame to go out.

'Tis time to sing the songs of sorrow about our dwellings.  

The time of mourning has come again.

~ Morria

Seizures and Poetry...

My body continues to weaken....though the seizures are not quiet as intense now that I am not working all day in the heat.

 I should be getting in to see a doctor very soon about my seizures...keep that in prayer...I am scared.  In fact here are the dates for my appointments...

MRI the 19th

EEG the 28th

see doc (nervous system) August 9th

I hate being as weak as I am....

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Bitter torcher in my flesh,
As each night this torment doth return,
and my strength is again drained.

God of light, I thank Thee for the mercy
A loving warrior, my love to be.
I thank Thee that tis he who does now care for me.

© 2004 MMH/MMN

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A lone maiden wonders acrossed the misty moors,
her steps are slow and painful
her heart is heavy with sorrow.

Towards the ashen skys she lifts her head and crys,
"Is there no one to journey this road with me, my God?
Is there none who can handle tending to this princess?

To so many I am a warrior maiden,
never seeming to need there aid.
But You, my Father, know just how I really am.
For beneath this warrior's armor is an ill little girl."

She stood quietly the tears streaming down.

Twas not long before a princely knight came up beside her.
He knelt before her, "Princess, my sword is yours..."
He rose up and cradled her in his arms.
"My love, you I shall protect and tend to.
Together we shall fight the battle Our God has called us to.
I will never leave you."

The princess settled into his arms, and together the two journeyed on.

 © 2004 MMH/MMN

 This is what I long for...when I am alone.

~ Morria

Ashen Skies...

God, burn up all the ugly parts of my life!  Kill the parts of me that You dont want around.   I hate this life like it is right now, with such pain and sorrow.  Burn out the sin, burn out the evil, leave only what You will in their place. Amen!

I don't know where I am headed...I once did... but all this craziness has clouded my view.   God help me see the path again... the ash in the sky is too thick!!!

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Gaze to heaven, soul in ashes,

Heart on fire, life in rune,

Trials and turmoils,

Joys and blessings,

All this way do come.

Gaze above, life shadows

Heart alive, soul in distress,

Pain and death,

Healing and life,

All this way do come.

© 2004 MMH/MMN

~ Morria

Trials...

Trials, tribulations, and persecution, ne’er before for the past nine months have I had so many and at the same time! I thought I knew a little about what it meant to be disliked, to be an outcast, to be sorrowful, but in the past nine months my world has turned over. I have lost 5 people (people from my church and in my family) and my dog to death. Of those, Samuel's death hit me the hardest. He had been my teacher, mentor, and friend; in truth, I counted him my "big brother". With his passing I learned to have faith in God no matter how hopeless things looked and to trust in Him even when every thing made no sense.

Then with my work, which I took because it was my dream job, (a nightmare, though I knew it not!), I have faced a boss that has no understanding of this area, of the costumers she “serves”, compassion on her workers. She pays no mind to the health of her employees even when she is told of doctor’s advice. On top of all that, she has turned on the few of us that are different for dressing “too different”, even though we have followed everything that the company has told us to do.

How much I have grown through these testing times. I am not the same person I was a year ago, for in truth then was I a girl and now am I a woman.

~ Morria