Sometimes I wish I knew more... Understood more... Could peace the puzzle that is life together better... Here I am 32, and sometimes I think I had a better grasp on life at 16 than I do now. Then there are moments when I think I am beginning to glimpse the path, only to have it disappear into the shadows again. I thought I knew who I was when I was 13, when I was 16, when I was 19, when I was 25, but now at 32.... I can honestly say, this Gypsy Gal has no clue who she really is... Am I the herbalist? Am I the missionary? I am the wife, who dutifully aids her husband so that he can better provide for them? Am I the scared girl, who has forgotten her way? Or am I something more... that I have not quite figured out yet?
Dont get me wrong... I love the life I have lived thus far. Yet, ever since last year... when my adopted mother died just after I was "stabbed in the back" by someone else I trusted... I have felt displaced, out of focus, not quite sure of the world. It is not like I have not faced death over and over. It is not like I have not dealt with betrayal before and come out alright... but this time it rocked me to my core.
I keep think I am coming out of it... I keep think I am getting better... only to find myself still in the dark cave still marveling at the light, but not quite ready to crawl all the way out yet. Yeah, I may be closer to the opening than I was 6 months ago... but I am not out yet by any mean... "
O, God, help me! I cant do this alone!"
~ Morria
