Simplify, De-clutter, Rest...

After alot of years traveling, thinking, planning, I have ended up with alot of junk... some of it important, the rest of it just stuff that weighs down the journey.  Yet for the life of me, I cant seem to unload it... so it sits in unused piles, waiting for me to go through, hidden in boxes and behind closed doors.  This is not how I want life to be...

Yet, as the days go by, I am learning ways to curb the clutter. Simple tricks, easy decoration changes (that dont take much room to store), and printing art from the internet (free stuff you know?). Simple changes that can change the feeling of a place in just a moment...

~ Morria

Preparing For Lent...

Before I start, I want to say, I am not Catholic or any other of those traditions... I was raised in a Pentecostal home, interned as a Lutheran and Evangelical Free, and married a Baptist,... still I believe in fellowshiping with other believers, and my membership currently is Baptist...  All this to say, I have celebrated Lent since I was a teenager. ~ Morria

Lent, such a blessed time in my life. It is a period of fasting and prayer, spanning 40 weekdays from Ash Wednesday to Holy Saturday.  It is a time of quiet reflection, preparation, and devotion, in preparing the heart for the coming of Resurrection Sunday (Easter).  The 40 days of fasting and prayer are moddled afters Jesus 40 days in the wilderness.  For me, in the past 19 years, when ever I have practiced Lent, Easter has always had much deeper meaning for me...
This year I am giving up chocolate and Facebook games for Lent... and adding back Lent Devotions and Bible Journaling... pray for strength for me as Lent begins in just 2 days. 

~ Morria

Hikes and Valentines...

St. Valentine's Weekend is such a festive time for us!  Seeings as this year we live somewhere warm enough to do some fun outdoor adventuring, Robby and I hunted for a hiking trail not far away that "beginners", or re-beginners, could hike... Our goal, hike the Ringtail Trail to the Sunrise Trail junction, then return to the car.  We nearly made it, but turned around a wee bit shy of the goal, because Robby was not in the best shoes for the hike...new hiking shoes seem to be in order soon.  But it was a great start to our Valentine's weekend, as we got to see woodpeckers, lizards, and possibly and elf owl, but it was a wee bit to far out to tell for sure.  Some wild flowers were beginning to bloom, making it feel like spring.  In all, twas grand to be in God's creation, and not feel like we were in the city.

~ Morria

Windy Season...

The windy season is beginning to blow into the valley, and my soul is getting happy for it means spring is here.  The time of planting and rejoining the outside world for exploring and gathering is here again... a time of new beginnings and new life joining the world.  A time for fun...

It is a strange time for me as well... it is like the weight of 22 years has fallen off of me.  The last time the world has felt as it does now, I was 10 years old.  Looking back I wander, have I been fighting depression ever since then?  Has that been the burden I could not shake off?  It is as though the world is light and full of joy... as though hope is around every corner...

It makes me think of my childhood, of running through the forests of my Grandma Fitzpatrick's land... of the cross shaped tree, the fallen logs which we hid in, Deirdrea and I.  Of foot races, dreams, and plans, of laughter, stories, and adventures never forgotten.  And then coming in to her home and us three cousins sitting down to watch the Never Ending Story together (the only movie all 3 of us agreed on).  Yes, good times all...
If the future is even 1/2 as bright as those day were...even in the hardest of times, then things really will be looking up.

~ Morria

Childless...

I am barren.  This means I am childless, and most likely will be for all time (unless God steps in).  This has been a bitter pill to swallow, especially as all my gal friends start their families.  One of the things I have longed for the most in my life, was to be a mother, and to raise little ones of my own. I am overjoyed for them, and wish them and their little ones nothing but joy and blessings.  Yet, has made me face the facts head on, and come to place of peace and acceptance with them...


For a time I thought working with children in the Church would be a balm to my soul, but, alas, it only made the pain worse.  So, I have stepped down from work with children, at least under the age of middle school... It is not that I dont like to be around others children, working with them in a class long term is just torture.  For now, unless we adopt - which we need a home and more income first -, there will never be a Zahena Sylvaina, Zeke Patrick, Bryan Matthias, or Mahala Lillie in our lives...
And for once I can say, I am becoming okay with that... sure, it is a change in plans from what I had for 30+ years, but I am okay with it... as this journey goes along, we will just see where it takes us....

~ Morria

Figuring things out...

Sometimes I wish I knew more... Understood more... Could peace the puzzle that is life together better... Here I am 32, and sometimes I think I had a better grasp on life at 16 than I do now.  Then there are moments when I think I am beginning to glimpse  the path, only to have it disappear into the shadows again.  I thought I knew who I was when I was 13, when I was 16, when I was 19, when I was 25, but now at 32.... I can honestly say, this Gypsy Gal has no clue who she really is...  Am I the herbalist?  Am I the missionary? I am the wife, who dutifully aids her husband so that he can better provide for them?  Am I the scared girl, who has forgotten her way?  Or am I something more... that I have not quite figured out yet?

Dont get me wrong... I love the life I have lived thus far.  Yet, ever since last year... when my adopted mother died just after I was "stabbed in the back" by someone else I trusted... I have felt displaced, out of focus, not quite sure of the world.  It is not like I have not faced death over and over.  It is not like I have not dealt with betrayal before and come out alright... but this time it rocked me to my core.

I keep think I am coming out of it... I keep think I am getting better... only to find myself still in the dark cave still marveling at the light, but not quite ready to crawl all the way out yet.  Yeah, I may be closer to the opening than I was 6 months ago... but I am not out yet by any mean... "O, God, help me! I cant do this alone!"

~ Morria