Christmas in Kansas!

Made it!  Weather was a fright, and it seemed I would never make it to Kansas.  Snowed in both Lansing, and Chicago... and was 3 hours late getting out of airport, but made it home in time for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

Blest Christmastide to everyone!

~ Morria

Interning in Michigan!

I am now doing an internship  at a church here in Michigan. Work as an intern is starting slow... but I am enjoying it.   I will be back in Kansas for the holidays as of the 16th, then come back home to Michigan on the 5th. This is going to be a very, very good testing ground for me.   I just pray I do not fail the tests.

"The gypsy road, the gypsy road, what a life for me!" ~ Gypsy Gal

~ Morria

Journey to Michigan

For the first time in ages I can say life is truly good.   Everyone up here is soo accepting of people like me... mostly because there are soo many around here.  lol.

Oh yeah,  I am in Leslie MI.... not sure for how long... that kinda depends.... on a lot... but if the the
peace I have inside is true.... this will be home for a while.

For the first time since the year of sorrow.... everything in life just fits together... here I am totally honest and myself... I took a long walk last night before I had to get back to get some sleep for... and contemplated on deep things of the faith...  tis sooo crazy...I find myself returning to the things of the faith that I thought were totally dead to me.... hmmm.... strange... could it be that God brought me here now for this very season....

~ Morria

Longings...

There is soo much I could be doing, soo much my life once held.   I need to learn how to lead in the battle no matter how week my physical body is... for this battle is not against flesh and bone, but against the things in the spiritual realm that stand against God.

I find my self more and more restless... though I am not well enough to work away from home.   I awake in the middle of the night (my time of the day---not my parents or I would be up more at night.) longing for more.   I use to be so focused.  I used to be so sure of where I was headed.   Where did that go?

"God, I beg of Thee, show me what path to walk... guide me.  Return understanding to me... that I might know the meanings to that which You are showing me.   I return again to Thy Word with faithfulness, as close as a human can know...anyway.   My King, teach Thy daughter what You want of her.  Show to her the journey-task.  Amen.† "

~ Morria

Good Mood...

I am trying to keep in a good mood...as most likely you can tell.  It is hard some days, for at times I only have enough energy to rest on the couch, read, and talk with friends.   God is helping me.  While I'll never understand why He allows this stuff to happen... I am kinda glad He did.

Nothing like a mystery illness to drive me into His Word and prayer... because that is all I have left to cling to in this life.  My possessions mean little, money means little... the things that matter: friends, family, the Lord, the journey-task.   Those are what in this life that make it matter...

~ Morria

Mistakes...

Mistakes!  I have messed up so bad... I am not sure the broken pieces can be put back together again after this.  Bev, Rayne, and others, they have tried to help... but I am not sure even He can piece me back together after this...  if I fade away then you shall know now why...

~ Morria

Things are finally looking up...

I am taking a course at my church in the School of Ministry.  And as well I am thinking of taking a course in Restaurant and Hotel Management... thinking towards traveling to New Orleans, maybe June 2004.   Yeah... my life is on the up swing.... I got everything in order with my King.   Iosa Criosta (Jesus Christ) is so good to me...

~ Morria

There is no little one...

There is no little one... or if there was one, I lost him/her very early.  There will be no little Kelly in my arms come 9 months from now. I am half relieved, half heartbroken...  I know that is bad of me... but a mother I truly wish to be.

Now to heal my broken soul and heart, and continue down this gypsy road...

~ Morria

Lay Me Down...

I have slipped back into depression... I have been boarder line for a few months... but I have crossed over now... *la sigh*... well life goes on whether I am depressed or no.
"Lay me down the cold, cold ground, I will stand, will stand my ground."  Once more I feel as if I have let some of my close friends down... I am such a mess... why do you people even care?

My life is a mess... and has been for ages...
I just hit the bottom... and GOD is now rebuilding me...
*la sigh*... should have let HIM sooner.
I have reasons to live... *la sigh*.. I just wish life was easier.

~ Morria

Little one?

Everything inside me feels strange...
A bit ago, my maidenhood was stolen from me, and now it feels like there might be more going on than just that.  Never trust a guy with your heart who is only has eyes for your body.
If it is true, I know not how to tell everyone that the "good girl" has fallen from grace.  I know my mother would freak and turn on me... she has more than once for other mistakes.
"Father, I know I have sin.  Forgive me!  If I am a mother to be, let me be a good one to my Kelly, be it a girl or boy..."

~ Morria

Battles...

Awake and arise oh sleeper, for the year of thy mourning has passed from thy gates!!! Arise again unto thy callings and be renewed!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why do I feel like my soul is ripped in 2?  Everything comes against me  at once, yet I strive to hold my ground, as a good warrior.  But I am beaten to the ground, broken and crying.  Why Lord must all these things happen?  I just do not understand!  Yet still to You do I cling... what other chance of making it is there?

The tides turn, some of the battles lessen, while others do intensify... A warrior am I, and a warrior I will stay... "Oh, Father, put some balm upon my wounds that I might carry on!  Help me find the journey-task!"

~ Morria

The Gypsy Goth Gal

PEACE....
now that is a word that use to be so easy for me to explain.  Life was good.  I knew where I belonged in those days.  Well, at least in terms of at my church.... took me years to find out I belonged reaching out the the youth.

UNREST...
O, my soul is restless!
I know it now.  I have the restless, wandering spirit of the Irish missionaries and gypsies of old.  I knew by now I would be preparing to leave home.  I knew it when I was 16.  I wish I had listened to myself better.  LOL! Oh to wander the open lands, going where He sends me!

PAINED...
The Sorrow and Loss of the past year, the Year of Sorrow, have left it's bitter scars.  Death, losses, unwise choices, bitter wounds, and lessons learned. I may not be strong yet, but I am stronger from these trials.  I am not praying for this life to be easy, just for the strength to make it.

ACTION...
With this all summed up, I am starting to really prepare and pack today.  My goal? That I might be able to give up  all that which is no longer needed or useful for the journey.  My time in Kansas is over... No matter how much longer I physically stay, I will live as if I am a visitor, a gypsy goth on the way to their next stop.

Father to You this Life, I commit!

~ Morria

Bad Health...

Things are easing a bit as I realize I have been running from the reality of my mom and grandma's bad health and the news that keeps pouring in over that. My health is not good either, and I have been doing stuff to make it worse, and extra stress is what I don't need... hospitals, doctors, and unknown meds freak me out...

My friends, thank you for your prayers.  I don't know how I would go on with out your prayer support.  True, I am trying to use my limited knowledge of herbs to aid us, but prayer help most of all!

~ Morria

Peace...

Peace at last floods my soul.  My searching heart rests at last.  Praise GOD for His mercies, for they are new every morning.  Illness comes and goes, yet I rest in the hands of He who created me.  He is my healing balm.

Who knows what the road a head holds?  Lord, show me the journey-task!

~ Morria

Journey to Kansas City

I am going to Kansas City today, fun and shopping!!!  ^_^  Wish Bev and Rayne could be here, but we shall talk via phone.
My poor health remains.  My body is weak, though my mind is alive and my spirit souring.  There is so much I am to do for God while I am here; 'tis time to get started. Enough moaning about.  'Tis time!!!

~ Morria

Journey to Wisconsin - Part 2

Well, the trip to Wisconsin was awesome! Matt and I had so much fun together.  I cried after we said our final good-byes. :(  I would not trade that trip for anything.  At last I got some open road and a plan under my wings.

Even better is this sweet freedom of the soul that I thought was far beyond my reach.  I am Morria totally for the first time.  May haps I am a gypsy gal?

~ Morria

Enter Rayne

Rayne called.  After having texted and spoken some, phone rang today while I was on the road today.

Matt got to speak to Rayne as well, so it was an awesome day on our trip.  Who knows how this will turn out, now that my "siblings" have spoken.  Well, the adventure continues so I must go.

~ Morria

Journey to Wisconsin - Part 1

A whole week with Matt!  Havent got to hang out since we left New Orleans back in Summer 2001, though we have been in contact and talked ever since.  His an awesome "little brother"!

The flight into Chicago was grand, and the road trip was even better up to the Rush in Wisconsin.  Who knows what mischief the two of us gypsies will have this week!

~ Morria

Where is Home?

I am home yet not.  Strange how one can live house for almost 18 years, and in a short time though still you dwell there in, it is no longer home.  I love my room, but I know soon this ne're again will be my home.

How I long for the open road... a journey... an adventure.  Even a short bike ride would be a blessing right now.  To feel the wind in my hair, and see the cares of the day slip away from me... to have that freedom... if even for a few moments... blissfulness!

~ Morria

Imprisonment...

I hate this imprisonment of weakness; I hate this physical faintness. If only the strength of my childhood would return. If only, if only... Oh, what am I thinking? Things will ne’er be as they were, for my body is frail now, though a youth still am I.

Such is my lot in life, and ’tis a cross that I must bare. Would I ’twere another, yet still must I journey on, for though this be my lot, my calling is before me. By the grace of God I will do that which I am called to do.  A journey-task lies before me... tis time to find it.

~ Morria

Trials...

Trials, tribulations, and persecution, ne’er before for the past nine months have I had so many and at the same time! I thought I knew a little about what it meant to be disliked, to be an outcast, to be sorrowful, but in the past nine months my world has turned over. I have lost 5 people (people from my church and in my family) and my dog to death. Of those, Samuel's death hit me the hardest. He had been my teacher, mentor, and friend; in truth, I counted him my "big brother". With his passing I learned to have faith in God no matter how hopeless things looked and to trust in Him even when every thing made no sense.

Then with my work, which I took because it was my dream job, (a nightmare, though I knew it not!), I have faced a boss that has no understanding of this area, of the costumers she “serves”, compassion on her workers. She pays no mind to the health of her employees even when she is told of doctor’s advice. On top of all that, she has turned on the few of us that are different for dressing “too different”, even though we have followed everything that the company has told us to do.

How much I have grown through these testing times. I am not the same person I was a year ago, for in truth then was I a girl and now am I a woman.

~ Morria