Wandering Soul

For a friend....

Wandering soul with no name of your own.
Wandering soul so all alone.
You wander to and fro
with no home of your own.

Wandering soul, seek you companions?
Wandering soul, seek ye friends?
Wandering soul, seek ye a name of your own?

Wandering soul, seek ye the new road.
Wandering soul, seek ye the heavenly way.
Wandering soul, open thine heart and thy soul
for many do love thee.

© 2004 MMH/MMN

~ Morria

Bitter Days...

dark, dark lay my soul in bitter whoa,
for much that was is no more
and much that will be is not yet...
so much is lost and that now gone
so much never to be regained...
such was the pains of those bitter days

© 2004 MMH/MMN

~ Morria

New Life - Full Surender

I was baptized tonight!  Early this morning I totally surrendered my life to God.  Tonight I was baptized in the freezing cold water of the sheep/llama trough at Pastor Meadows house, which is  a small farm.  Again my heart, after being silent for a time, stirs deeply for the Navajo and the gypsy road.  Now, if only I can get warm...lol!

~ Morria

Broken Trust?

Why?  Trusted you!  You had changed... but in a moment things return to how they use to be... maybe worse... I let you close, you brake me.  I distance you, and we get better...  Maybe we are just not meant to be...

At least, after all that, you took me to see The Village.  At least that is one redeeming thing of today...

~ Morria

Seizures and Poetry...

My body continues to weaken....though the seizures are not quiet as intense now that I am not working all day in the heat.

 I should be getting in to see a doctor very soon about my seizures...keep that in prayer...I am scared.  In fact here are the dates for my appointments...

MRI the 19th

EEG the 28th

see doc (nervous system) August 9th

I hate being as weak as I am....

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Bitter torcher in my flesh,
As each night this torment doth return,
and my strength is again drained.

God of light, I thank Thee for the mercy
A loving warrior, my love to be.
I thank Thee that tis he who does now care for me.

© 2004 MMH/MMN

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A lone maiden wonders acrossed the misty moors,
her steps are slow and painful
her heart is heavy with sorrow.

Towards the ashen skys she lifts her head and crys,
"Is there no one to journey this road with me, my God?
Is there none who can handle tending to this princess?

To so many I am a warrior maiden,
never seeming to need there aid.
But You, my Father, know just how I really am.
For beneath this warrior's armor is an ill little girl."

She stood quietly the tears streaming down.

Twas not long before a princely knight came up beside her.
He knelt before her, "Princess, my sword is yours..."
He rose up and cradled her in his arms.
"My love, you I shall protect and tend to.
Together we shall fight the battle Our God has called us to.
I will never leave you."

The princess settled into his arms, and together the two journeyed on.

 © 2004 MMH/MMN

 This is what I long for...when I am alone.

~ Morria

Illness returns, yet again...

My seizures and illness are back with a vengeance....Pray for my strength to withhold during these “spells”, and for me to have the courage to tell my parents who only know of the immune dysregulation.

Mom had me check my temp and all...because I am being so low...both emotionally and physically...and once again I am in a "spell"...grr. Which I already knew, just did not want to admit.

On the bright side, I am planning to go swimming tonight....

~ Morria

First Things

Sometimes, to stir the coals of the spirit woman, one must go back to the first things, the simple worship and dancing foolishly before His thrown, the morning devotional book, the prayer, and the Bible reading, and not doing because one has to...but from the heart....

Joy comes like the first moonbeams of the summer's eve, and the newly twinkling stars of the night sky...so pure and so sweet.

~ Morria

Of Bare Feet and Bicycles...

I am a gypsy of sorts... nothing makes me happier than to dash about with my feet bare.  To splash about in the puddles of a summer thunder storm.  To dance in the rain and feel each drop caress my face. Aye, that is what makes this gypsy goth gal dance.

I long for the open road, just me and my bicycle, "Meg".  If it were up to me, I would set off a crossed country just me, "Meg", and whatever I could fit in a bike trailer.  I would stay at churches, visit friends, and just be free.  Would that I were healthier, so that I might do it!

~ Morria

Balm

Hands of Mercy, Hands of Grace, Flowing down from Thy Divine place. 
Words of Love, Words of Joy, Dancing into my immortal soul.

Look of Peace, Look of Promise, Shining out from Thy Holy face. Soothing balm, Soothing clam, Have now You sent to me

 To fill this my bitter hole. 

© 2004 MMH/MMN

~ Morria

Broken Wings...

Being a fool for Christ is not that hard, when you have been a fool anyway.   LOL.   Then again, a fool for Christ is a totally different breed of fool.

Living day to day is so strange and new...this is an exciting adventure.   I am now able to slow down and not worry so much.   If I have a job tomorrow, I will.   If love lasts, it will.  If food is here, it is.   I am not as far as I need to be, but it is a start...and wow.  Open road for this gypsy gal is returning soon.

Filling out job apps today.  LOL. We’ll see how that goes… my luck not too far. Also, made a new friend in Robby "Jesus Freak" Nickles... he is a good guy.

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Fallen Angel with broken wings,

The ash clouding thine eyes.

When will the dust settle,

And the ink turn green?

Fallen Angel with broken wings

The ash choking thy song,

When will the air clear,

And  the music ring true?

Fallen Angel now restored,

The ash now flown away,

Now the ink is green,

And the song is true.

Write and praise now, 

Thy Holy King.

© 2004 MMH/MMN

~ Morria

Tattered Souls

Bitter sorrow and torment, we sent Thee to.

Suffering and pain were Thy lot,

Until by death You did part,

Then to life returned.

Why did You call these tatter souls Thine?

Why do You want us at Thy feast?

We who did betray You to Thy DEATH.

Why it is we do not know,

Yet here in the shadowlands,

Beside the old worn cross faith does come alive,

As Thy holy blood cleans this tattered soul.

© 2004 MMH/MMN

~ Morria

Ashen Skies...

God, burn up all the ugly parts of my life!  Kill the parts of me that You dont want around.   I hate this life like it is right now, with such pain and sorrow.  Burn out the sin, burn out the evil, leave only what You will in their place. Amen!

I don't know where I am headed...I once did... but all this craziness has clouded my view.   God help me see the path again... the ash in the sky is too thick!!!

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Gaze to heaven, soul in ashes,

Heart on fire, life in rune,

Trials and turmoils,

Joys and blessings,

All this way do come.

Gaze above, life shadows

Heart alive, soul in distress,

Pain and death,

Healing and life,

All this way do come.

© 2004 MMH/MMN

~ Morria

Reflections: 2004

"Riches I heed not nor man's empty praise,

 THOU mine inheritance now and always! " ~ Be Thou My Vision

Let me tell you a bit about the woman I am becoming again....

I am a fun loving, dedicated Christian...recommitted to purity , honesty, humility, and a simplistic lifestyle.   I am into Celtic Christianity and the history of Native America, especially the Navajo.   Personally, I am gypsy gal.  It does not take much to make me happy, a dry place to sleep, some food, good friends, and mi Lord. 

I am kinda shy except with those I am close to, but this is partially because I don't want to hurt others.   In the past I have been like poison, so until I am sure I am not again...I tend to hang back a bit.  Once I open up though, I tend to be bold and confess my soul to you.

That is who I am right now... growing in God... spending time daily in HIS Word.  Praying, seeking His will, and living for Him....seeking a chance to get back on the open road.

~ Morria

Heart Dreams...

I love life, but not as I am facing it now.   I wish I could go back to January 2001 when life was really good... keep the good friends I have made since then, but go back to a simpler time...when my biggest worry was getting money to go on a Missions trip.

I am just heart sick, in more ways than I can list.   I just want to live a simple life away from this crazy world.   Maybe settle into traveling with a good husband, have a few kids (Zahena, Mahala, Zeke, ?), and create safe havens for youth...  So simple, yet so complex is that dream.

You know, I can do like Paul... put the past with its great triumphs and great tribulations behind me.   If he can do it so can I.  It wont be easy, but what in life is anymore?

Oh, for the simplicity of life on the open road again!

~ Morria

Fort Wayne, IN

Well, I am at Aunt Nel's for a while... then heading to Kansas...till I get money and license...then may haps back to Michigan.  So bad stuff happened, and I got drug into the middle of it.  All I can say, is pray for my little bro, Matt.  He is so lost right now…

It is time to let God start making a path for my life.  I must look into more schooling... and where to get the money for it.   I am praying to get to go back to Michigan... at least until I have money and some training.   Who knows... one plan changes and God opens another door. Life is so strange... but worth living.   At least GOD brings great good out of great darkness as only HE can.  I love begin a gypsy goth gal, but this road is so not easy!

On the bright side, spent yesterday with my Aunt Nel and 2nd cousins Ashley and Liz.   Got a beautiful black dress for prom alternative and stuff to go with it.  Still need gloves, a purse, and shoes, but those will come with time.

~ Morria

On the Run?

A few nights ago, my dear brother hurt me deeply, more than I can ever explain... Maybe I was too naive and trusting.  Maybe I could not see the darkness that had creeped into things around us...  all I can say is he betrayed me in a way that no one should ever be...

This has been the worst St. Patrick's Day of my life... and the nearly black, rainy skies are more than proof of that.  I am not talking pretty rain, I am talking the rain that feels like ice to freeze the soul.  All I can say is   "Tá brón orm!" (sorry) to Matt, and "Go raibh maith agaibh!" (thank you) to those who have helped me since then.

~ Morria

Dead to the World?

Mi corp i mort saol a an!  (My body is dead to the world.)

Life is so confusing... just when you think you can see what is going on it all changes.   God, I hand this mess over to you.  Just use me as You see fit.

I will be honest... I am struggling with my faith at the moment.   I do that off and on.   I get on a high with my faith then come down sometimes into the very darkest valleys so to speak.   It seem to be that this is just the storm before life falls in place.... WHO AM I TO KNOW????

Days change, people change, but not always as one would pray.  Why is nothing seeming to go as it should?   God why do You take so long?   This is trying to the soul... but that is the point isn't it?  Nothing worth fighting for comes easy?  RIGHT?

~ Morria

21 Years...

Well, my 21st birthday rocked.   I went shopping with a few friends.... so I got a cool Nightmare Before Christmas shirt and a "stone" mirror.   I also bought for normal price some chain earrings.   Got a fishnet shirt at JC Penny's for $0.77!!!

I am doing really well at the internship.... it appears that the Upper Room Youth Center is a go.   I will find out for sure at next months conceal meeting. 

My health is a mess.   Not so much that I am really that ill.... it is just the crazy spells I have.   Fainting, breathing problems... every joint in my body hurting.   I wish I was stronger... but maybe it is in the weakness I am meant to help another.  Only Iosa knows for sure, and therefore I trust in Him. 

God help me through this... please, if be Your will, either heal me now... or show me who I am to aid by in my trials still being faithful to YOU.  Amen.

~ Morria

Broken Soul...

Broken soul, no place of her own,
Broken soul, no love to call her home,
Broken soul, no wings to fly on,
Broken soul, no tears left to cry,
Broken soul, no will left to live,
Broken soul, no strength to die,
Broken soul, no place of her own.

© 2004 MMH/MMN

~ Morria

Leaving Kansas…

1 day left in Kansas... I am both loving the thought of leaving... and yet it is so bittersweet to leave behind all my friends.   Well, I will be back to visit.

I saw my cousin, Lynn, yesterday at the mall.  We hung out for an hour... it was fun to see her face while we were in some of the stores: we have such different tastes.   I got a journal for all my must private thoughts... one with a lock so no one, like my little "brother", can read them.

Mom is throwing me a going away party at my church.   I kinda like the idea... but it is just so hard to say goodbye... or even if I will see you later or in heaven, if not before.  *La sigh*  Well, life must go on... as must I.

A gypsy goth gal am I, and this is the price of such a life...

~ Morria