God, are You there?

Daddy?  God?  Iosa?  Are You still there?   Do You hear me when I pray?  Do You see how shattered I have become?  Do You still guide me through this fog, or have I now wandered into a cave?  Does Your light still shine on my path?  Have I wandered off the path?   I am no longer Yours?  Have You abandon me?  Are You still with me?

Why won't this pain lift from my heart?  Why can I not see beyond the sorrow and the pain?  Betrayal, death, brokenness, loss of trust... two blows at once... more than I could take.  You know me... I have never prayed for life to be easy... I have just prayed for myself to be strong in You, that I might make it through.  Help me keep going... help me keep taking it one day at a time... help me stay strong and not give up.

~ Morria

Motherless Mother's Day

Mother's Day is here again, and for the first time ever, my dear "Merami" is not here with me.  LOL, for those who knew us well, you know we never did see eye to eye on many issue, but we still had a deep reckless love for eachother.   She was the one who put wings to my dreams, but also taught me to see where the ground was to land, without crashing... Not that I am great about the not crashing part.

She could see all my flaws and still see the strong woman beneath.  She could see the wild, untamed spirit, the recklessness, and the dreamer, and found a way for me to harness them and become both a woman, missionary, and a gypsy.  For years I did not see how she was helping me do it, but know grown and over 30, I see it.  Thusly, this first year without her for Mother's Day is very hard.  So much I wish I could tell her...

While I will always miss her greatly, I will always know the woman I am today is largely in part to her.    Thanks, Merami!

~ Morria